Down Under Madness

I've never been to Australia but I've known may people who have gone there on trips, for school and I know a few who have lived there for many many years.

Despite the fact that I've never stepped foot on the soil down under, as an educated man I know there are many good and not so good things about the country. Like any civilized land it is a country of mostly good people and a wonderful living environment. However, I also know that like here in Canada it has its seedy areas and dangers but certainly nothing worth warning visitors about.

Any traveler with half a brain knows that trouble can be found no matter where you go in the world, you just have to be smart about where you go and what you do. I certainly don't need a government agency warning me about such things.

That doesn't appear to be the case in Australia however as their government has released one of the dumbest travel advisories I have ever heard.

The Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade's Smart Traveller website warns of terrorism, dangerous winter driving, heavy snow, ice and wind chills, as well as tornadoes, earthquakes and forest fires in Canada.

It also lists Canada in its second safest category (Exercise Caution) with places such as Chile, South Korea and Latvia as being safer and with terrorism being the top concern.

What are these people smoking? "We advise you to exercise caution and monitor developments that might affect your safety in Canada because of the risk of terrorist attack," the website reads. Knock on wood and please correct me if I'm wrong but has there ever been a terrorist attack in Canada? Sure it could happen but it could happen in any country for that matter.

To warn travelers about Canadian tornado's or earthquakes would be akin to warning visitors to Australia about the chance of a Tsunami or Hurricane (Cyclone, or whatever they call it down there). When was the last time anyone was killed by an earthquake in Canada? Sure a tornado can pop up in a summer storm but it is a rare occasion at best. You're more likely to be attacked by a Dingo at the Toronto Metro Zoo.

The section on climate almost reads like a horror novel. "Heavy snowfalls and ice in the winter can make driving dangerous. The wind-chill factor can also create dangerously cold outdoor conditions. ... The province of British Columbia in western Canada is in an active earthquake zone. Alberta and British Columbia are also subject to avalanches. ... Tornadoes can occur in some areas of Canada between May and September. Bush and forest fires can occur any time in Canada."

Let me examine this statement a moment. I won't argue that we can get the odd heavy snowfall but for most parts of the country that only means a foot or two at most and the weather folks always give you plenty of warning. You can see much higher amounts in the mountains or on the East coast but odds are good if you've planned a trip to either of these places in the winter, you know this already. In my 40 years of living in Canada, I can't recall any storm in Ontario that has overly concerned me. My biggest fear was how long my back would last while shoveling.

It can get very cold and the wind chill at times can make things quite bitter but do you know what we Canadians do to combat this? We either don't go outside or we wear winter clothing which keeps you nice and toasty warm. If you're dumb enough to show up in Canada in January with a spring jacket and sandals then you probably deserve the frostbite you're going to get.

And then there's the talk of forest fires. Here's a tip...if you're walking through the Canadian wilderness and you see smoke, go in the opposite direction. Sure a forest fire can be very dangerous but honestly, how often do you hear of anyone being caught or killed in one. If you're in the wilderness then odds are you have a canoe or a pontoon plane. My advice would be to get in one or the other and haul your asses out of there.

The whole report is a disservice to both Canada and any Australians who might like to visit one of the most beautiful countries in the world.

There are dangers here just like anywhere. If I was to warn visitors or give advice to our Australian friends before they came to Canada, here's what I would suggest.

Between November and March I'd suggest you bring warm clothes or visit a mall when you get here and purchase some. If you're renting a vehicle, make sure you keep it gassed up and a keep a couple of blankets in the car. If by some stroke of bad luck you do happen to slide off the highway and get stuck, a full tank will allow you to keep the heat on and the blankets don't hurt either. I'm thinking if you're planning on doing some winter camping in the wilderness then you probably don't need my advice since you no doubt already know what to expect.

From March to November you can expect nice weather. In fact, when summer rolls around it can be hotter here than in Florida at times with temperatures reaching the mid 30's Celsius. Bring sunscreen, wear sandals and be prepared for both heat and rain. Pickpockets, muggings and other small crimes are no more likely to happen here than they are in any Australian city.

By the way, there is no warning for Canadians about Australia on Canada's Foreign Affairs website, except for an advisory to be wary of pickpockets and to avoid demonstrations because they could turn violent.

Does this mean if I go to Australia any time soon I should bring some riot gear just in case? I'm guessing no.