Forty and Single Sucks

The countdown is on as my 40th birthday is fast approaching and the inevitable seems unavoidable. Is forty old? By today’s standards and with the population of Canada living longer on average, I suppose it isn’t considered “old” per say but it’s obviously pushing that “old” threshold.

So what is old? I used to think you could be considered old if you took your current age and doubled it and if you figured you’d never reach that age, you were officially old. I’d sure like to think I’ll reach the age of 80 but I can imagine it won’t be a pretty picture if I do. I’m in pain now after a round of golf but I guess only time will tell.

I think what actually concerns me more is the fact that I’m 40 and “single.” Growing old alone seems more and more likely with every passing day. Of course I won’t be completely alone as I always have family in the world but as someone who as a teenager pictured himself with a wife and kids by the time I reached this age, that is probably my biggest disappointment.

I realize I'm not the only person in this situation in the world and it happens to men, women, rich, poor and everything in between. In fact, I think singer Kylie Minogue is 40 and single still. I wonder if I could get her number from someone?

Never finding the love of my life and taking that step from bachelor to husband and family man is a bit of a let down. And I had such a good role model in my father. Don’t get me wrong. I have a lot of fun as a single guy and can do whatever I want, when I want but I suppose it’s one of those “the grass is always greener” scenarios.

I haven’t given up looking for the future “Mrs. Me” but the search area has shrunk and the opportunities are few and far between. Where does a 40 year old guy go to find a potential soul mate or at the very least a date? Church, grocery store, singles dances, Tim Horton’s? I’m beyond the bar scene and to be honest, the bar was a great place to meet women but they usually weren’t looking for a boyfriend. It was like going fishing for the “one night stands” in those situations.

I don’t go to church except for weddings and funerals and I don’t think God would appreciate me showing up at his house of worship without me wanting to be there for at least some of the right reasons. It just wouldn’t feel right to me. I also can’t see myself hanging out in the fruit section at the grocery store asking potential single ladies if I could squeeze their melons to test their freshness. I mean, how do you approach a woman in that situation? Do I stroll up beside her with a roast in my cart and ask her what she thinks of my meat. Seriously, I don’t have a clue which is probably one of the reasons why I’m in the situation I’m in.

And then of course I’m a realist so I know in the competitive game of “Wheel of Wife” there are the obvious strikes against me. While I’d like to imagine that women like a guy for his personality and not for how he looks, the fact remains I have a pretty darn good personality and I’m as single as the Pope. My humour, good upbringing, stable family life and friendly disposition count for nothing since physical attraction is the first thing that peaks anyone’s interest, even my own.

The problem with me is I have plenty of physical attractiveness; it’s just hidden underneath a whole bunch of skin and on this large frame of mine. But I know there's always hope because I’ve seen other big guys with a wife and kids so I know it can happen.

The fear of rejection is also something you never get used to. Or at least, I’ve never gotten used to it and it keeps me from taking chances all the time. I was at a wedding this past weekend and there was one woman there who I knew was single and available. She is quite attractive and has a great personality and although I can talk to her as a friend and we can joke around, I just couldn’t bring myself to make an effort to take it beyond that. In a word…I’m a big chicken. OK, maybe that was two words.

Having said all of this I have had some interest over the years but it just never worked out. I dated a girl a number of years back a couple of times and although she was very nice, it just didn’t “click” for me if that makes sense. Looking back on the experience I have to smack myself in the head. The signals were all there so I could have at least slept with her right? Damn my parents for raising me to be a good man. Where was that devil on my shoulder when I needed him?

So I’m turning 40 and despite the fact that I’m not married, I don’t have kids, I’m not working in my prefered field, I haven’t been with a woman since gas was 68 cents a litre, my body is aching on the best of days and I need to win the lottery to get back to even…I’m doing pretty well and I’m fairly happy. I guess that’s all that really matters...isn't it?