So here's the situation...my brother Scott is getting married in November to a lovely gal named Erin and the wedding is being held in Florida where they both reside.
Scott gave me the great honour of being his Best Man at the wedding and I couldn't be more thrilled. As a big man I can't think of anything more enjoyable than dressing up in a tuxedo under the blistering Florida sun. I just hope its machine washable.
I'm kidding of course. I look good all the time but I'm even better looking when I'm dressed up. Plus, it has always been my understanding that weddings are a great place to meet single women. It's the perfect atmosphere. Here they are watching someone they know, in love, having their big day. It'll be like single women at a male strip show and I'm the last dancer for them to grab on to.
Of course this plan goes right out the window if there are no single women. I know the invitations have already gone out. I wonder if it's too late for me to send out a few. I'll send a couple to those girls at the local bar who sell beer in their bikinis. I'll walk up and down the beaches of Siesta Key and Longboat Key handing them out to young hotties in thongs. Or I could head over to the Magic Kingdom in Orlando and pass out invites for a ride on the new "Bundy Mountain Love Experience".
No, I'm sure I'll just be too darn busy making sure things go as smoothly as possible. I'll be looking after my brother, the minister, the toasts, dancing with my aunts who don't have dates and at the end of the night I'll have to hook up with one of the ladies on the kitchen staff. I just hope she shaves.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Thursday, May 19, 2005
The Greatest Game?
What is golf? Some define it as “a game played with a small ball and a bat or club crooked at the lower end. He who drives the ball into each of a series of small holes in the ground and brings it into the last hole with the fewest strokes is the winner.” Hmmm…sounds simple enough. Then why do I love to hate it…and hate to love it?
Golf is a game that I have come to love over the past 5 years or so. Sure I’d played it as an adolescent; but back in the day it was just once or twice a year. Since I became a member of the Murray Hills Golf Course in Wooler, I’ve taken my love of the game to a whole new level.
I’m happy to say that this new level no longer involves wrapping my putter around a tree or trying to set the record for 5 iron tossing. I’ve comfortably settled into the level where my game still stinks on a regular basis but is good enough to keep me thinking that there’s hope of improvement. I’m sure I’m not the only one at this stage in their game. That’s not to say I don’t unintentionally break the odd club from time to time. That’s just normal wear and tear. Ok, I broke the head off a putter while hitting a ball like a baseball after playing a particularly stinky round...but that was a rarity.
One area of my game where I have truly improved over the past couple of years is my vocabulary. I’ve come up with several interesting and never heard combinations of curse words on the links. Now with golf being a gentleman’s sport, I certainly do my best to mutter those profanities under my breath during most occasions. Nevertheless there are times when I don’t quite catch myself soon enough and the odd F-Bomb will slip beyond my lips.
Despite the fact the game can leave me frustrated, fuming, weeping, perplexed and minus a few clubs, all of the bad feelings drift away as I sit with my buddies at the clubhouse drinking a few cold pints while making plans for our next assault on the course.
Golf is a game that I have come to love over the past 5 years or so. Sure I’d played it as an adolescent; but back in the day it was just once or twice a year. Since I became a member of the Murray Hills Golf Course in Wooler, I’ve taken my love of the game to a whole new level.
I’m happy to say that this new level no longer involves wrapping my putter around a tree or trying to set the record for 5 iron tossing. I’ve comfortably settled into the level where my game still stinks on a regular basis but is good enough to keep me thinking that there’s hope of improvement. I’m sure I’m not the only one at this stage in their game. That’s not to say I don’t unintentionally break the odd club from time to time. That’s just normal wear and tear. Ok, I broke the head off a putter while hitting a ball like a baseball after playing a particularly stinky round...but that was a rarity.
One area of my game where I have truly improved over the past couple of years is my vocabulary. I’ve come up with several interesting and never heard combinations of curse words on the links. Now with golf being a gentleman’s sport, I certainly do my best to mutter those profanities under my breath during most occasions. Nevertheless there are times when I don’t quite catch myself soon enough and the odd F-Bomb will slip beyond my lips.
Despite the fact the game can leave me frustrated, fuming, weeping, perplexed and minus a few clubs, all of the bad feelings drift away as I sit with my buddies at the clubhouse drinking a few cold pints while making plans for our next assault on the course.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Presqu'ile Park...My How You've Changed
Every summer of my life for the past 36 years has been spent, at one point or another, at Presqu'ile Park in Brighton.
I was born in July of ’68 and that very summer my parents hauled all 9 pounds 10 ounces of me off to my first camping experience. Some of the happiest days of my childhood were spent swimming, biking, singing around campfires and making friends at my favourite Provincial Park.
While I smile at the thought of all those good times, I can’t help but be depressed as I walk through the park in present day and see how time and the “power’s that be” have allowed this one time jewel of Northumberland County to slip into it’s present state.
Gone are the days when the children would be gathered up in the morning by park staff to congregate at the circus tent by the amphitheatre to make crafts and play games. I suppose that would just cost too much today.
I hark back to hot summer days spent lying on the beautiful beach where you had to wear shoes or risk burning your feet on the blistering sand. Standing on the waters edge you could see people its entire length enjoying the pristine surroundings. Not so much anymore. Why don’t they clean and drag it every day like they used to? How come beach four no longer exists? You’d need a weedeater to clear away the bush and an umbrella to shield yourself from the onslaught of seagulls. Do you remember when you could actually drive your cars on the beach?
If hunger struck and you were lacking any sustenance you could make your way to the snack bar at beach two. I can only imagine it was dismantled to make way for more tall grass. I also recall the white lifeguard stands spread along the beach. Now you just roll the dice and hope you don’t drown or get an infection from the e-coli bacteria.
Take a trip to other Provincial Parks and see just how much money has been spent on repairing roads. They don’t just bring in some dirt or try to patch and re-patch holes constantly with a little asphalt. The road leading in and out of the Park gives your shocks a real workout. And don’t even think of taking your eyes off the roads in the campground. Perhaps all those potholes are there to keep people from speeding around the campers…but some how I doubt that’s it at all.
I can summon up days in my youth when my camping friends and I would manage to persuade our parents to give us 5 bucks to go to the Park Store and have a burger, fries and a milkshake. Sure the store is still there but if you want to eat, you better bring your own meat and BBQ. Can you believe that restaurant owners in Brighton complained that they were losing business? What a joke! I never wanted a hot dog so bad that I’d be willing to drive or ride my bike into town.
Two words that have really infuriated me regarding Presqu’ile over the last ten years or so would be “Natural Park”. That’s how those in charge and the “birders” choose to classify this setting. I’m sorry but there’s a difference between a natural park and a rundown park. I recall playing baseball in the field near the park store as a teenager. If you did that today, you’d need your rubber boots and a bathing suit. I can also recollect playing baseball at the park ball diamond. Do you know where that was? If you said right next to the Beach 2 entrance you are correct. Next time you drive by there, see if you can place where it might have been. The forest is filled with fallen and rotting trees. What would be the harm to clean up some of that?
I could go on but I’ll leave my remaining thoughts until another time.
Presqu'ile will always hold a special place in my heart and memories. I'm just thankful that I have my memories to call upon when the current state of affairs anger or sadden me.
I was born in July of ’68 and that very summer my parents hauled all 9 pounds 10 ounces of me off to my first camping experience. Some of the happiest days of my childhood were spent swimming, biking, singing around campfires and making friends at my favourite Provincial Park.
While I smile at the thought of all those good times, I can’t help but be depressed as I walk through the park in present day and see how time and the “power’s that be” have allowed this one time jewel of Northumberland County to slip into it’s present state.
Gone are the days when the children would be gathered up in the morning by park staff to congregate at the circus tent by the amphitheatre to make crafts and play games. I suppose that would just cost too much today.
I hark back to hot summer days spent lying on the beautiful beach where you had to wear shoes or risk burning your feet on the blistering sand. Standing on the waters edge you could see people its entire length enjoying the pristine surroundings. Not so much anymore. Why don’t they clean and drag it every day like they used to? How come beach four no longer exists? You’d need a weedeater to clear away the bush and an umbrella to shield yourself from the onslaught of seagulls. Do you remember when you could actually drive your cars on the beach?
If hunger struck and you were lacking any sustenance you could make your way to the snack bar at beach two. I can only imagine it was dismantled to make way for more tall grass. I also recall the white lifeguard stands spread along the beach. Now you just roll the dice and hope you don’t drown or get an infection from the e-coli bacteria.
Take a trip to other Provincial Parks and see just how much money has been spent on repairing roads. They don’t just bring in some dirt or try to patch and re-patch holes constantly with a little asphalt. The road leading in and out of the Park gives your shocks a real workout. And don’t even think of taking your eyes off the roads in the campground. Perhaps all those potholes are there to keep people from speeding around the campers…but some how I doubt that’s it at all.
I can summon up days in my youth when my camping friends and I would manage to persuade our parents to give us 5 bucks to go to the Park Store and have a burger, fries and a milkshake. Sure the store is still there but if you want to eat, you better bring your own meat and BBQ. Can you believe that restaurant owners in Brighton complained that they were losing business? What a joke! I never wanted a hot dog so bad that I’d be willing to drive or ride my bike into town.
Two words that have really infuriated me regarding Presqu’ile over the last ten years or so would be “Natural Park”. That’s how those in charge and the “birders” choose to classify this setting. I’m sorry but there’s a difference between a natural park and a rundown park. I recall playing baseball in the field near the park store as a teenager. If you did that today, you’d need your rubber boots and a bathing suit. I can also recollect playing baseball at the park ball diamond. Do you know where that was? If you said right next to the Beach 2 entrance you are correct. Next time you drive by there, see if you can place where it might have been. The forest is filled with fallen and rotting trees. What would be the harm to clean up some of that?
I could go on but I’ll leave my remaining thoughts until another time.
Presqu'ile will always hold a special place in my heart and memories. I'm just thankful that I have my memories to call upon when the current state of affairs anger or sadden me.
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