For Superman it's Kryptonite...for Valentino it was the ladies and although I do enjoy the fairer sex, my one true weakness is Fast Food.
As my finely sculpted body shows, fast food doesn't like me. I've always been a big guy. Even as a child I carried extra weight just in case I needed some spare body warmth, but since I graduated college I've really packed on the tonnage. I have more chins than a Chinese phone book and my love handles have taken on a life of their own.
So who or what is to blame for this? Sure I could do the right thing and look in the mirror and blame the person starring back at me but that's not the easy cop-out. I could blame my parents who always told me I had to eat all the food on my plate before I could go outside and play. No, it's much easier to just blame the evildoers of the fast food industry.
In high school I was a big guy but I was still in pretty decent shape and able to play football, rugby and baseball. Even in college and a few year's after I had added more weight, but not to the point that I couldn't track down a fly ball or run the bases. However it was during those college years that my love affair for quick and greasy fattening food took hold.
It all started to go really bad with my first real job at McDonald's. Yes, that's right, I worked at Mickey D's and it wasn't as awful as you might think. The girls I worked with were all cute and the steady pay was a nice perk as well. The trouble was I started out working full-time midnights on the grill. I was always busy as I worked at the restaurant on the Highway but one of the incentives to get people to work that shift was "free food" for the employees. It was the only shift where this happened and of course that was music to my ears...or mouth as the case was.
I'd found myself inventing menu items. Instead of the usual Big Mac's or Quarter Pounders, I was the first one to actually make double or triple Mac's (before they actually made it a menu item). How about the ever popular Quarter Pounder with Chicken and extra mayo? And of course my super size fries were always full. It wasn't long before my belly started to change to a "super size".
So that's where my love affair for fast food began. It was just a natural progression to move on to eating Whopper's at Burger King, Double Classic's with cheese at Wendy's and Double Cheeseburgers at Harvey's. If it was quick, dripping with grease and came with a toy, I was eating it. It was also common to see me inhaling a large bag of potato chips at night and drinking one Coke or Pepsi after another.
Now 17 years later I've moved from being a big guy to super sized guy who is nowhere near as active as I used to be. The aches and pains have begun as well. I still get some exercise rolling out of bed and going to the bathroom. Actually, I love playing golf and I try to walk the course as much as possible but some days the nagging ankle pains from my football and rugby injuries flare up and grabbing a power cart just seems too inviting.
I have certainly cut back on my intake of fast food and snacks today and I feel a little better but some days I just can't resist the temptation. Ask any overweight person and they'll tell you they'd like nothing more than to be thin, healthy and attractive...you know...one of the beautiful people; but it's easier said than done. Not a night goes by when I'm laying in bed thinking, "tomorrow's the day I get serious about losing weight." Yet, tomorrow comes and goes and the willpower just isn't there.
I've come to the conclusion that surgery is the only way I'll ever be thin and I just can't afford that, so I try to be as happy as possible with who I am and who I've become and I'm cool with that for now. I've never had my cholesterol checked but I can imagine my doctor would faint at the sight of the results. Oddly enough I went to the doctor recently and my blood pressure was just fine. I check my blood sugar from time to time and so far so good but I'm sure it's just a matter of time before I'm diagnosed with diabetes. It runs in the family and is likely to happen.
I'm trying to cut back on my fast food intake and I try to make smarter menu choices and I'm happy about that. I used to eat out every day and now I might eat out once or twice a week. It's not perfect but it's a step in the right direction. Now I just need to haul my ass off the couch and get more active. I think I'll go for a walk right now...right after I go to Taco Bell.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
Sleep Clinic Nightmare
I'm sure those of you who have first hand knowledge of the experiences you go through during your first visit to a Sleep Clinic will be able to relate to the hellish night I went through less than 24 hours ago.
After consulting with my doctor a little while back, he decided that some of the symptoms I was describing could be related to Sleep Apnea. For those of you who don't know what this is, sleep apnea is a serious disorder that causes your breathing to stop repeatedly while you sleep. And as I'm sure you can understand...to stop breathing is a bad thing.
So I was given an appointment to go spend the night at the clinic and have my sleep patterns monitored. It sounded simple enough to me. I'll just show up and go to bed and wait to hear my results.
Of course it just isn't that simple. I showed up at 8:15pm and was met by a lovely nurse and one of the two other patients for the evening. Lets call him Andre. He was French and is in the Canadian Armed Forces...go figure. His accent was thick but with a little effort he could be understood. The conversation was pleasant but I quickly realized this wasn't going to be a simple night of bed rest.
As I filled out a group of forms with a seemingly endless amount of questions, I watched as Nurse Gail (I think that was her name) prepared Andre for his nocturnal slumber. She was measuring his head and drawing red marks on his scalp in different places and then began attaching sensors galore. I don't know how many there were but I'd guess there were at least four on the head, one on each cheek and two on the chin. There was also a sensor attached to the neck and three on each leg and two belts were wrapped around his Chest and Stomach. Just to add to this madness, two more were attached to the back shoulder blades and then one inserted into each nostril.
I watched this and realized I'm next. How the hell was I supposed to sleep with all of this crap and their wires glued to me? Nurse Gail went through the same process with me and then placed the box containing the other end of all of the sensors around my neck so I could walk to my assigned room. Once in bed, nurse Gail hooked me up to the machines in the room at the top of my bed. There was also a camera at the end of the bed so I could be monitored from another room. I knew I had to behave myself now.
Nurse Gail then left the room and spoke to me through an intercom and had me do several things to test the connections. I was doing ankle flexes to eye movements and coughing. The best one was when she had me try to move my stomach like a belly dancer. Pardon my grammar but I ain't no belly dancer. I must have done alright as I was given the green light to sleep.
By this time it's about 10:30pm and as I'm used to staying awake late, I wasn't even close to being tired. I was allowed to read for a short period of time but by the time 11:30 rolled around it was lights out.
Now the fun begins. With no clock in the room I had no sense of time. I laid there for what seemed like hours before I finally nodded off but it was only for a brief time. I was forced to sleep on my back. I never sleep on my back. I sleep on my stomach so that just added to the torture. I could barely move with all of the wires hanging from me. The probes in my nose kept moving around and stabbing me. That was painful and the bed was too damn hard. A few hours in my back was aching. It was one of the longest nights I can remember.
I tried laying on my side but that didn't work well either. Nurse Gail had also attached a monitor to my right index finger to keep an eye on my heart rate so that was yet another obstacle.
I could hear every little sound and of course the harder I tried to talk myself into sleeping, the less chance I had of actually dozing off. Several times I was tempted to just call her on the intercom and say enough was enough but I stuck it out. I did manage to fall asleep a few times through the night but I kept on waking up.
At 5:30am Nurse Gail opened my door and said it's time to get up. She removed all of my sensors and I couldn't have been happier. I asked her if I'd slept and she said I had slept some but didn't say how much. All I know is it was probably the worst sleep I'd ever had. I used the washroom and gathered up my belongings and booked an appointment for a follow up chat with the Doctor. I have no desire to ever do that again.
I made it home and had a shower to remove all of the sticky gel and red markings from my hair. By the time 8:00am rolled around I was finally ready to go to sleep and I wasn't in my own bed very long before I was out like a light.
It was an interesting experience but I've come to the conclusion that if I ever have to do it again, I'd better try to stay up for 24 hours straight prior to going so I can be sure to fall asleep sooner and easier. Going to bed isn't supposed to be a job but after this experience I felt like I'd worked a 12-hour shift.
After consulting with my doctor a little while back, he decided that some of the symptoms I was describing could be related to Sleep Apnea. For those of you who don't know what this is, sleep apnea is a serious disorder that causes your breathing to stop repeatedly while you sleep. And as I'm sure you can understand...to stop breathing is a bad thing.
So I was given an appointment to go spend the night at the clinic and have my sleep patterns monitored. It sounded simple enough to me. I'll just show up and go to bed and wait to hear my results.
Of course it just isn't that simple. I showed up at 8:15pm and was met by a lovely nurse and one of the two other patients for the evening. Lets call him Andre. He was French and is in the Canadian Armed Forces...go figure. His accent was thick but with a little effort he could be understood. The conversation was pleasant but I quickly realized this wasn't going to be a simple night of bed rest.
As I filled out a group of forms with a seemingly endless amount of questions, I watched as Nurse Gail (I think that was her name) prepared Andre for his nocturnal slumber. She was measuring his head and drawing red marks on his scalp in different places and then began attaching sensors galore. I don't know how many there were but I'd guess there were at least four on the head, one on each cheek and two on the chin. There was also a sensor attached to the neck and three on each leg and two belts were wrapped around his Chest and Stomach. Just to add to this madness, two more were attached to the back shoulder blades and then one inserted into each nostril.
I watched this and realized I'm next. How the hell was I supposed to sleep with all of this crap and their wires glued to me? Nurse Gail went through the same process with me and then placed the box containing the other end of all of the sensors around my neck so I could walk to my assigned room. Once in bed, nurse Gail hooked me up to the machines in the room at the top of my bed. There was also a camera at the end of the bed so I could be monitored from another room. I knew I had to behave myself now.
Nurse Gail then left the room and spoke to me through an intercom and had me do several things to test the connections. I was doing ankle flexes to eye movements and coughing. The best one was when she had me try to move my stomach like a belly dancer. Pardon my grammar but I ain't no belly dancer. I must have done alright as I was given the green light to sleep.
By this time it's about 10:30pm and as I'm used to staying awake late, I wasn't even close to being tired. I was allowed to read for a short period of time but by the time 11:30 rolled around it was lights out.
Now the fun begins. With no clock in the room I had no sense of time. I laid there for what seemed like hours before I finally nodded off but it was only for a brief time. I was forced to sleep on my back. I never sleep on my back. I sleep on my stomach so that just added to the torture. I could barely move with all of the wires hanging from me. The probes in my nose kept moving around and stabbing me. That was painful and the bed was too damn hard. A few hours in my back was aching. It was one of the longest nights I can remember.
I tried laying on my side but that didn't work well either. Nurse Gail had also attached a monitor to my right index finger to keep an eye on my heart rate so that was yet another obstacle.
I could hear every little sound and of course the harder I tried to talk myself into sleeping, the less chance I had of actually dozing off. Several times I was tempted to just call her on the intercom and say enough was enough but I stuck it out. I did manage to fall asleep a few times through the night but I kept on waking up.
At 5:30am Nurse Gail opened my door and said it's time to get up. She removed all of my sensors and I couldn't have been happier. I asked her if I'd slept and she said I had slept some but didn't say how much. All I know is it was probably the worst sleep I'd ever had. I used the washroom and gathered up my belongings and booked an appointment for a follow up chat with the Doctor. I have no desire to ever do that again.
I made it home and had a shower to remove all of the sticky gel and red markings from my hair. By the time 8:00am rolled around I was finally ready to go to sleep and I wasn't in my own bed very long before I was out like a light.
It was an interesting experience but I've come to the conclusion that if I ever have to do it again, I'd better try to stay up for 24 hours straight prior to going so I can be sure to fall asleep sooner and easier. Going to bed isn't supposed to be a job but after this experience I felt like I'd worked a 12-hour shift.
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