Making Up For Lost Time

Lets have some fun! I have a time machine and I want you to join me on a trip back to the mid-80’s to mid-90’s.

Those were amazing times, I was in my teens and early 20’s. I was graduating high school and going to college. The music of that time has stuck with me and is more or less the soundtrack to my entire life. I was young with no big worries except what time my next football, rugby or baseball game was. I had a core group of close friends who I did everything with. My life revolved around them, from sports, to patties, to camping and lots of drinking and eating.

I would go so far as to say that these were the best years of my life so far. And they were also the most difficult and emotional as well.

During this time I was a big lad who could hit a baseball a ton and could lay the body on opposing players. I was always up for a good time out on the weekends which always started on Wednesday night I think. I loved my friends and would do anything for them. But it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns.

I was pretty sad back then. While I'm not gay I certainly felt like the gay friend at times. At the very least I was the third wheel. I was the guy all the girls could talk to and confide in. I was the guy who could make people laugh and smile. I wasn’t the guy that the girls wanted to date or have a relationship with.

Click to see larger.

It wasn’t because I wouldn’t treat women right. I loved women and would do anything to make them happy. No, it was obviously because I wasn’t a good looking muscular sexy hunk of man meat. I was smart and funny but no matter what a woman tells you, the only thing that really matters is how good you look as a couple and no women wanted to have me on their arm. This isn't about feeling sorry for myself, these are just the facts as I interpreted them then and perhaps even now to some extent.

Now I was able to live with that. It sucked, and still sucks today but I made the most of it and tried my best to find relationships and romance but it just never happened. “I like you as a friend” became the phrase that made my heart bleed over and over again.

Eventually I just kinda gave up. What was the point? No amount of flowers or chocolates or romantic gestures could hide the fact I was over weight and unattractive.

So when I started my weight loss journey my main goal was to get healthy and improve my life expectancy. But I won’t lie. A part of me wants to get thin, muscular and in shape to not only improve my chances at finding that which has eluded me all these years but to maybe have those girls who shunned my romantic advances all those years ago look at me and think, “gee, had he looked like that back then, I might have dated him.”

Of course I’m still not where I want to be or need to be but it is nice to get noticed now for being thinner and healthier rather than people pointing and laughing at the big fat obese mess I used to be. Every day I go out I seem to run into someone who can’t believe how much I’ve changed my appearance and it sure is nice to hear. Maybe I’m being a little vain but that’s one thing I’ve never been before.

As far as the ladies go, I’ve actually been on a couple of dates recently. All very nice ladies and it’s fun to feel like someone might actually be attracted to me. I feel like a teenager again. I guess that’s because most teens go through this at that age and here I am well past my teens feeling things I’d never felt before and it’s kinda nice for a change.

As for my progress, I’m happy to report that my new low weight is 248.8 pounds which means I’ve lost a total of 170 pounds so far. It fluctuates daily but it I keep it within a few pounds and get it back down. And the other new milestone of sorts, I tried on a pair of size 40 waist jeans the other day and actually got them done up. They're still a little snug but that wasn't going to happen when I was wearing size 60 waist jeans. So my weight isn't changing much but my body is still making gains.

Naked Jog Approaching

Way back when I started my weight loss journey at nearly 420 pounds, I jokingly passed the comment that if I reach my goal weight of 250 pounds I’d jog naked up the street. At the time knowing how many times I’d failed to stick to past diets and my history of valuing fatty foods over a healthier and trimmer body, there was no way I honestly expected to ever come close to reaching that goal. Therefore, I had no fear of ever having to strip off my clothes and take a quick run.

I’m reminded of one night in September at a Men’s League Golf Party when after our round we were sitting in the clubhouse eating our meal and drinking our free booze watching the World Hockey Championships. Canada was losing late in the game and one of the guys, clearly having had too many wobbly pops, made the bold statement, “if Canada wins this game I’ll streak naked up the number one fairway.” No sooner had Canada come from behind and won the game, he was up and out the door tearing off his clothes as he went and sure enough he was streaking up the fairway as promised. It’s an image I can’t erase from my mind.

So back to my dilemma; as of today, my current weight is 253.6 pounds. Yup, you guessed it, I’m just 3.6 pounds from reaching that lofty goal I set for myself a little over a year ago and have lost a total of 165.2 pounds. Now I realize I’m not compelled to do anything I’m not comfortable with. And I can guarantee I would never do it when there are children around.

If I do finally reach my goal I’ll decide then if I’ll do it. I never said at what time of day it would happen but should I find the courage to get naked and take a stroll in my birthday suit to celebrate the accomplishment, I’m pretty sure it would happen after dark late at night.

So then people will question whether I actually did it or not. If It does come to pass that I find some hidden courage to put myself out there like never before, I’ll be sure to video it and take photos which I will carefully edit for public consumption.

But of course, regardless of what actually happens and whether I really go through with it, the feeling of accomplishment and knowing that I successfully attained my goal will be reward enough for me. I can’t speak to how the ladies will feel.

Weight Isn't Everything

As I continue to work towards improving my health I’ve been learning a few things along the way. Probably the most important thing I’ve learned is to not focus on the results when I step on the scale.

I think for those of us in my generation and older, we focus too much on weight and dropping those numbers. That isn’t to say that losing weight isn’t a big deal. In fact it’s a huge deal for many people suffering from obesity. But there’s more to achieving a healthier lifestyle than dropping pounds.

When I started on this road to increase my chances of living a longer life I was solely focused on the numbers that I saw when I stepped on my scale. My success or failure was based on seeing those numbers drop. The more the number decreased the happier I was and the more successful I felt about what I was trying to do.

There isn’t anything wrong with that…up to a point. Once I stopped just reducing my calories and walking and began making regular visits to the gym to lift weights and build muscle, my weight loss stalled. What the heck was happening?

I was still eating as I’d planned and I was exercising by walking, jogging on the treadmill and had recently started burning more calories by getting my heart rate up on the elliptical, which is my new favourite form of cardio at the gym. It’s tiring but easier on the joints and I think I actually burn more calories with a 35 minute workout.

So why wasn’t my weight still dropping. The fact of the matter is, by lifting weights five days a week I was adding muscle which weighs as much or more than fat. Building muscle burns fat as well. So even though my weight was maintaining at a steady number, my body was still making positive changes.
My waist, thighs, wrists, arms, neck, legs and butt among other fatty areas were still shrinking and in fact are still shrinking. My weight hadn’t changed a bit but my body shape is still transforming and improving. My new jeans I got for Christmas are already getting loose on me. My boxers that used to be really snug are fitting much better. The 2X T-shirts I bought that were a tad snug around the belly are now loose and hanging much better now. 
Lifting weights, building muscle and toning the body is just as important as a healthy diet. It took me some time to learn this but now I can’t imagine not lifting weights at least a few times during the week. I’ll slow down a bit in the summer months just because I’m more active then but during the colder seasons and currently I find myself at the gym working with weights a minimum of five days a week.

I still step on the scale and get a little disappointed when I don’t see my numbers dropping, mainly because I set a goal for myself when I started this journey and want to reach that number. But I’m trying to change my mindset to not focus on the weight but rather the results and my appearance.

I'm working at it!

Two people at 250 pounds can look entirely different in their body types. One could be obese with a huge belly and flabby limbs while another will look much thinner and more toned. They weigh the same but their overall health is completely different.

So I’m trying to learn that weight isn’t everything but that won’t stop me from working towards getting to my original goal of 250 pounds. That would mean I’ve dropped the needed 168.8 pounds to attain this goal I set for myself when I started.

And where am I currently in this endeavour? As of today I weigh 258.2 pounds for a total of 160.6 pounds lost. This leaves me a total of 8.2 pounds away from my goal which in all honesty, I doubted I’d ever have a hope in hell of reaching. But now even this king of all pessimists has to admit it can be done.

A Year Already! Well, Almost.

Although my weight loss journey really kinda sorta maybe began in the Fall of 2012, the real work began nearly one year ago and it still seems like a dream to me that this is really happening.

It was March 2013 when I was officially diagnosed with Diabetes and placed on oral medication to help bring my blood sugars under control. That’s not to say they were completely insane but certainly elevated and worthy of concern. My doctor at the time had me on a couple of different pills to quickly bring my numbers down. I was posting readings of 14 to 16 mmol/L which is a far cry from the range of 4.5 to 6.0 readings I’m getting now. My usual readings are right around 5.1 mmol/L which I’m very happy with.

My doctor eventually was pleased with my weight loss and reduced my daily pill intake which made me happy. I want to avoid insulin if possible just because to me that seems like a warning sign that things aren’t getting better. That’s my uneducated diagnosis any way.

But it was right after my doctor gave me the bad news that the alarms went off in my head. It was time to stop being such a wimp, grow some balls and get serious about changing and improving my life.You might think that going from eating whatever and whenever I wanted to counting calories and downsizing my portions would be a tough thing to do. Let me tell you, you’re right!

I love food. And not the leafy green, low calorie stuff. I like fried foods, fast food, greasy food, bread, butter…basically anything you can think of that isn’t considered healthy, that’s what I liked to eat. I’ve never sat down and calculated what a typical day of calories would have been for the old me when I didn’t try to keep an eye on things but I can imagine I was pushing anywhere from 5000 to 7000 calories in a day without trying. Now I shoot for around 1800 calories a day…give or take.

But it wasn’t just the calories that were an issue. After spending my youth, teens and 20’s being pretty active, that all changed and I found myself spending more time in front of the computer or the TV. I stopped being active and if you’re not doing anything to burn the calories, well, the resulting obese mess I became spoke volumes.

Yes, its been nearly a year since I finally got a clue and decided to get healthy. That isn’t to say I was then or am now expecting to become a GQ model and have six pack abs and a rock hard body. Come on! I’m not living in a fantasy world. After decades of abusing myself, I knew the best case scenario was likely going to be getting into the mid-200’s if I was lucky. I’d still have a flabby stomach and thighs but dropping my weight from 420 pounds to that would be a huge game changer.

So here I am today, 11 months into my determined effort to shape a new and improved version of myself and I think I’ve done a pretty decent job so far.

My current weight sits around 261 pounds. Now it would likely be even lower than that but I’m doing a fair bet of weight lifting and building muscle which adds weight. So I’m happy to break even there. If I’m adding muscle and my weight isn’t going up, then I must still be burning fat. Truth is, I know I am. I can still see my waistline shrinking as I can nearly get into another smaller pair of jeans. Even my watch and my Fitbit bracelet on my wrists can be done up to a tighter spot now. The separation between my thighs continues to grow. Truth be told, I just wish my ass looked better. I wish I had an ass!

I never thought I’d be a gym guy but I really like going. I try to work out five days a week using the treadmill and elliptical machines for cardio and of course the weights for muscle building. I don’t have any work out buddies and stick mainly to myself which is kind of boring but at the same time I can focus on what I’m doing and get the job done without distractions. People at the gym seem friendly although most seem to keep to themselves. We do a lot of head nodding and smiles as greetings. Not a lot of talking. Of course most people wear headphones to listen to music while working up a sweat. I’m no different but will gladly turn the tunes off if anyone wants to chit chat. I can think of a few ladies worth taking the time to converse with.

Bye Bye Belly

So here I am approaching one year since I honestly started to make an effort to shed my massive amounts of fat and reduce the weight I had been carrying around for 20 plus years. Actually, in reality I've been carrying around too much weight most of my entire life. Even as child I was big but after college was when I really started to pack on the pounds.

Fast forward to September 2012 when I decided to give an honest effort to shed some of my excess weight. Topping out at 418 pounds I knew my health and life depended on it. Being as large as I was and having so much weight on my joints I had to ease into the diet. I actually hate calling it a diet as it's more of a lifestyle change but it's just easier to say "diet".

I began reducing my calorie intake per day which automatically reversed my upward trend in weight. I stopped drinking regular pop like Coke and Pepsi which I would easily drink 3-6 cans per day. That equalled a lot of sugar. I switched to diet pop which still isn't ideal but I have no doubt that one move alone was a major factor in getting to a lighter version of myself.

Same jacket fitting differently. Left: 2003 On a cruise. Right: 2013 Too big.

Eventually I got below 400 pounds and began to go for short walks and increase my activity. This continued all winter and my walks gradually got longer and more intense. As my weight continued the downward spiral I would reduce my daily calorie allowance. I would guess at my top weight I was eating well over 5000 calories per day. Today at this current moment I allow myself 2000 calories. If I exercise that will allow me more if I desire it. But to be honest, I have rarely had moments where I felt as though I was starving or ill for lack of food. Sure I have days where I might go over my goal and perhaps eat 100-300 more calories than I would have liked but it balances out because there are days when I might only have 1600 calories.

From time to time and probably more often than I should some cheat meals will take place. I might stop at Tim Horton's and pick up a couple of chocolate chip cookies or I might have lunch at A&W and eat a Papa Burger and fries. But usually when this occurs I will make a point of going for a long walk or go golfing to offset those calories by burning a bunch as well. When it comes to snacking I've really cut down on that vice. My typical night would consist of me sitting in front of the TV watching my beloved Montreal Canadiens playing hockey while devouring an entire large bag of potato chips. Night time snacking is rare for me now but from time to time I will enjoy some chips. The difference is I'll make a bag last 3 or 4 nights or go weeks without any chips at all. I have to allow myself to snack every now and then just to keep my sane.

Whatever I've been doing the last 12 months has worked and eventually I hope to make even more changes. The biggest change I'd like to make is to train myself to eat healthier foods. You know the foods I'm talking about...the food I never eat or hate eating. But if I can learn to like even a few of them and add them to my diet I hope that will propel me to even more success. I'd also like to get a membership at a local fitness club for the winter months. As much as I enjoy walking in the snow and cold, sometimes I just can't will myself out the door to walk on icy roads and sidewalks while braving temperatures of minus 15 or worse.

By joining a gym I also hope to get back to lifting weights and building muscle and toning my body. Believe me, there's plenty to tone. I haven't lifted weights since my days of playing football and rugby in high school. Sadly that's more than a few years ago now.

So as I approach one year of busting my butt to get healthier, I'm proud of the fact that I've lost 136 pounds so far and at the same time I know that losing the next 32 pounds to reach my initial ultimate goal will not be easy. In fact, it might be harder to lose those last 32 pounds than what I lost in the first 12 months but nothing worth having is ever easy and I hope and plan to keep charging ahead with this mission. I may stumble along the way but I won't be denied this if I can help it.

Someone asked me once, "what will you do when you reach your goal?" My usual smartass answer was, "I'm going to run naked downtown to celebrate!" That actually might be a good idea. I hear the food in jail is awful so not eating would help even more. I suppose if and when I reach my long term goal I'll celebrate briefly in some manner and then quickly create another goal to work towards.

Shrinkage Is A Good Thing

I wanted to take a quick moment to give another update on my journey to a thinner and healthier me for those who continue to follow my progress. I promise this won't be a long drawn out affair because it's getting to be late at night and I'm ready to make love to my pillow.

First and update on my weightloss. I am happy to report that I have now lost a total of 135 pounds to date. The progress has slowed some which I expected to happen and I know reaching my long term goal will be a battle I hope to win over the long haul.

The big news for this update centres around my centre so to speak. The all important waistline. This is one of the areas that I hope to continue shrinking not only to look better but for health reasons as well. Other areas I want to shrink badly include my thighs and arms. But this is about my waist.

When I began my journey towards getting healthy and losing weight I was more or less maxed out on the size of pants I could buy locally at the Big & Tall store. The largest size they carried was a 60 waist in any of their clothes. I was able to locate larger sizes in the U.S. but didn't require any at that point as the 60's were still working for me.

Today I decided to try shopping at Walmart for pants rather than the usual store for fat guys. I knew I would still likely be in the 50's at the very least when it came to jeans but I took a chance that they might have some. They didn't.

After a fair bit of time searching through and lifting up the jeans on display to see the different sizes, I came across the largest pair I could find to that point. I didn't have much hope that they would fit but figured it doesn't hurt to zip into the changing room and at least see how close I was to fitting into them.

Surprise! The actually fit me.

I was shocked and pleasantly surprised when I pulled them on, did up the button without having to suck in my gut and zipped the fly. The damn things actually fit!

The young lady must have wondered what the heck was going on when I came out with a big smile on my face. She was probably afraid to go in there. I grabbed a new t-shirt and my new jeans and headed for the checkout.

I left the store with my brand new size 46 jeans and a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction. It was a great way to start off my weekend. Dropping from a size 60 to a size 46 was in my plans at some point but I had no idea it would happen that fast. Now I just have to get them hemmed since the legs are about eight inches too long for my short legs. Sadly there isn't any plan I know of that will allow me to increase my height. Not yet at least.

Regaining My Life

As I travel down this weight-loss road I continue to receive amazing support from so many friends and family. Even complete strangers who know me have made comments about the changes they've seen in my appearance. Feed back like that does two things for me. It makes me feel great knowing that all of the hard work, exercise and changes I've made to my lifestyle are making a difference. It also motivates me to keep going because while I don't want to let myself down, I also feel as though I'd be letting a lot of other people down as well.

I've also heard from so many people following my journey, witnessing what I've accomplished and continue to strive for and they come to the realization that they can also make the changes necessary to work towards their own weight-loss goals. By no means did I set out to become a role model of any kind but I will certainly take that as a compliment.

If my updates here and on Facebook ignite something in you or give you hope then I only feel that much better about what I'm doing. Believe me when I say the encouragement I've received can never be repaid. It has propelled me in the right direction towards a healthier me. My life will only be richer if more of my friends feel motivated to make changes to ensure they're around for many more years as well.

Before I talk about the changes I've noticed so far since I began dropping the pounds, let me give you a quick update on where I stand.

Starting Weight: 418.8 pounds

Current Weight: 289.7 pounds

Weight Lost To Date: 129.1 pounds

Next Goal: 260 pounds

Can you see a difference? I think progress is being made.

So as you can see, it's going pretty well. I think if you look at the comparison photo I posted of my stomach you can clearly notice how much it has shrunk so far. I admit it looks ugly with the skin getting loose and sagging at the bottom of the belly but after a lifetime of obesity and in recent years having the skin stretch the furthest it ever had, asking it to tighten up quickly is probably a pipe dream. But hopefully as I continue to shed the weight, I'll hit the gym this fall and start lifting weights and exercising to tone all of my problem areas. Trust me, I have plenty of those. My biggest concerns are the stomach, arms and thighs. I've always had huge thighs so anything I can do to shrink them down would be a bonus.

So let me get back to my original idea for this blog update, which is to mention a few of the changes I've noticed in my day to day life. These are things that all healthy people take for granted and might not even consider an issue for people who are overweight.

WALKING - It doesn't sound like much but if you've ever watched an obese person walk, it almost looks painful. In many cases it is. That's a lot of weight on the ankles and joints. For me I hated walking prior to dropping some pounds. Just the thought of having to walk put me in a bad mood because I knew even if I made it to where I was going, I would almost certainly pay for it the next day with a lot of pain. Today, I went for a 4km brisk walk and felt great. The only pain I have is in my right foot which suffered a lot of minor fractures over the years from supporting so much weight. But it isn't nearly as bad as it used to be. And my ankles feel fantastic. I had to give up a job working at a good friends golf course because my ankles couldn't handle working on the hills and uneven ground. I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be the case today.

RESTAURANTS - You're probably thinking, "what the heck could the issue be in restaurants?" Imagine being a size 60+ waist and having to squeeze into a booth. It can't be done. That was the dilemma I was faced with every time I went out to eat with family. I know this annoyed some people because there would be booths open and the hostess could have seated us but because of me and my girth, we were forced to wait until a table with chairs came open. And if all they had were booths and they weren't big enough to accommodate me, then I had to go to a different place. I recall one time at a local place in Brighton there was only a booth available and the owner said she could place a chair at the end of the table for me. While I'm sure she thought she was helping, I was insulted and humiliated. I didn't want to be sitting out in a traffic area with patrons and waitresses trying to manoeuvre around me. I was already a big target for insults and stares, I didn't need a flashing neon arrow pointing at me saying, "Look at this fat bastard who can't fit in the booth!" Now, while I still prefer tables and chairs, I have found some restaurants where I couldn't sit on the bench or in a booth before, I can now. And in some others I can at least make it work. Hopefully in the near future this won't even be an issue for me.

I was offered a job at Sea World in 2007.

DRIVING - This was more of a minor annoyance than anything else. As you can imagine the problem was fitting my stomach behind the wheel of the car or truck. When I bought my last car in 2007, I had to purchase a vehicle based on which one actually allowed me to drive it without having to steer with my belly. There were other vehicles I liked better but they just weren't an option. Today, I have plenty of room behind that same wheel and I've driven other vehicles that I used to rub against but now have lots of space to work. I look forward to getting my next mode of transportation. Maybe I'll get a Mini Cooper.

SHOWERING - Do you have any idea how difficult it is to shower when you can't reach every nook and cranny? I like to be clean and sometimes this was difficult to achieve properly when I was larger than I am now. I'm happy to report today that I am spic & span from top to bottom and all places in between. Also, some showers just aren't as roomy as others. I remember trying to shower on a cruise and spent more time bouncing off the walls as the ship rocked on the waves.

BATHROOM - I'll spare you the details. Lets just say I found some interesting ways to complete the job. This is something we deal with several times a day and most people wouldn't even give it consideration. I often thought about trying to invent something to assist obese people in similar situations. But I'll leave that up to someone more creative.

DRESSING - Again, this is something we have to do every day unless we vacation in a nude resort. When was the last time you got winded putting on socks or tying your shoe laces? I'm ashamed to admit this was the case at times. Straining to reach my feet was made all the more difficult with a huge belly in the way. Lifting my legs up to get my underwear or pants on was also a challenge at times. I could get the leg up but only keep it there momentarily and had to work quickly to try and get the leg of my pants under my foot to slide them on. It wasn't a pretty sight. It's not even an issue today.

CLOTHING - Along the same lines as dressing is trying to purchase clothes that fit. There is only one Big & Tall store in the area and unless you've stepped inside one you have no idea how expensive it is to buy clothing for large people. In fact, it's so bad here, I usually make two or three trips to the Casual Male location near my brothers place in Florida when I visit. Not only can I get clothes that fit and are cheaper but they have a much wider variety and nicer styles. The only bad thing so far with losing weight, other than not eating as much, is having a bunch of new clothes that I bought a year and a half ago that are now way too big for me. I bought a golf jacket that's a 6X and only wore it once. It's like a tent on me now. At this point I'd need a 3X and I'm almost into 2X size clothing. But it's a small price to pay to not have to spend a small fortune on a pair of pants or a new shirt.

Again, these are the challenges of being obese and I see people every day who I know struggle with the same things I did. That's right, I said "did." I'm thrilled by the little things now that have changed in my every day life that I have no doubt you wouldn't even bat an eye at. My goals are still a lot of hard work away but knowing how much I've accomplished so far will make achieving that goal easier. Not because it will be easy or because I'll get to my next goal quickly. It will be easier because I feel like a whole new person inside and out.

Losing Weight is Hard Work

The changes are happening slowly.

Its been over a month since I last posted anything on my blog so I figured it's probably time to give an update on how my battle against all things fatty and tasty are going.

I'm posting some photos here that are slightly embarrassing but I think they'll illustrate where I've come from and how I'm progressing. I've made a point of documenting my progress to have a visual reference of the transformation. I've never been comfortable in my own massive skin but I want to be as open and honest about this journey as possible and I'm glad so many people are taking the trip with me and supporting me.

June 2007 - Likely heavier than 418 lbs.

My progress is continuing nicely
although some weeks I do seem to run into a brick wall and my dropping weight stalls. I guess this is normal as my body continues to adjust to the changes taking place but I will admit it's frustrating stepping on the scale and not seeing the results I think should be looking up at me.

But I continue to make an effort to improve my life and my health by eating less and exercising more. I try to get in at least four types of cardio exercise each week. This could be anything from a three hour round of golf to a 30 minute walk around the neighbourhood. I feel if I can continue to stay vigilant of my food intake and keep burning calories on a regular basis, positive results will happen.

A good college and radio friend of mine wanted to know what changes I've made to my diet and if I've embraced new and healthier foods that I wouldn't have normally eaten in the past. To answer your question Scott (Freddy), I'm still pretty much eating the same foods I used to eat when I weighed 418 pounds. The difference of course is that I'm not eating nearly as much of it even though some days I really want to.

On July 3, 2013 I finally dropped below 300 lbs.

When I sat down with my Dietician we discussed the foods I like to eat and what I don't like to eat. It became clear to her that I was a very picky eater who frowns on most "healthy" foods. I will eat a salad if I go out for supper but I'm not a big veggie connoisseur. That isn't to say I'm not going to try and make some changes. In fact, I have tried some different foods but the bottom line is, if I don't like it I'm not going to force myself to eat it. She eventually talked me into eating smaller portions of the foods I like which most days I have no trouble doing. 

Fruits are not something I enjoy at all. I wish I did like them because that would make finding healthy snacks much easier. Instead, I usually end up not having snacks or only on rare occasions and certainly not something that would be considered healthy. Lets just say it's a work in progress and I hope to make more changes at some point.

Wearing a ball jacket that hadn't fit for 20 years.

I mentioned in the past that I switched from regular pop to diet pop to eliminate the calories and sugar but now I'm reading that diet pop can be just as bad for you. I'm going to stick with it for now until I can find something that will take its place. I like drinking water but I can't just drink water. Maybe I should just drink water and Molson 67 beer from now on. It's only 67 calories ya know.

One thing that I'm quite proud of is how I've kept my promise to myself to exercise. When I first started this journey to a new me I thought I'd probably exercise twice a week for maybe 10 minutes but I've been doing much more than that. One thing that's helped me to be more active like I was 20 years ago was dropping the weight. That's right, I had to lose weight in order to be more active and lose even more. The more weight I lose, the more energy I seem to have and the more willing I am to get out and wear out my running shoes. I enjoy my walks and if sweating is a sign of progress than I've been making plenty of progress this summer. And between you and me, I think losing weight makes you feel more horny. Maybe it's more testosterone or something. I'll have to do more research on that. I just need to find a research partner. 

So where do I stand on my road to a new and improved me you might be wondering. As I mentioned previously, my goal was to get below 300 pounds by my birthday on July 17th. I'm happy to report that I was able to reach that goal two weeks ahead of schedule.

It may look ugly but my stomach is shrinking.

My starting weight was 418 pounds. My current weight as of today is 295 pounds. That gives me a total weight loss of 123 pounds so far after working at it in earnest for 10 months.

I fully expect the amount of weight and the ease in which I lose it to slow down and I'm okay with that. The way I feel now compared to a year ago is like night and day. If I didn't lose another pound I wouldn't be happy but with the daily aches and pains I grew accustomed to and endured for all those years now gone I feel so much happier about myself.

But my hope is to continue to shed as much weight as I can and hopefully find myself in a gym this winter lifting weights and toning the now sagging skin that is developing from losing the fat. At my age and after decades of abuse my body just won't bounce back like other people I see. At least not quickly.

I'll never have six-pack abs or tightly toned legs, butt or arms, however I'd like to get to the point where I don't step out of the shower and scare myself. It would be nice to look in the mirror one day and say, "damn, where have you been all my life?"

It's Either Gravy or the Grave

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to take one look at me and know I'm overweight. Okay, not just overweight, I'm freaking obese. No point in sugar coating it.

I don't know if it's hereditary or what but even as a young boy I was "big boned". I hate that term so I'm just going to use the word fat from here on in. I was called fat all my life so it must be the right word to use. And by the way, just a note to those who called me fat behind my back growing up, I know who you are and I've never forgotten. I guess you could say I'm like an elephant. Insert your own joke there.

Me at my heaviest. Christmas 2009

But this isn't about who I was. This is about who I hope to be and in fact, who I am becoming. Now I have no grand illusions about what my future holds. I never have been thin and I never will be but I am trying to get healthier. I'm 45 this year and I would like nothing better than to be around in another 20-30 years see my niece get married and be in good enough shape that I don't require a forklift to load me on to the plane to get there.

I've had nothing but bad luck with diets in the past so I try to avoid using that word. What I'm doing isn't really a "diet" it's more of a lifestyle change. And that is not something I ever thought I'd be able to do.

Food is a weakness of mine. I love food. Even more to the point, I love food that is not good for me. Potatoes, bread, pizza, fast food...you know the yummy goodness of which I'm referring to. I like all the foods that are usually forbidden on any weight-loss plan. Long story short, I love those fatty calorie filled goodies but obviously they don't like me. Correction...the amount that passes by my lips disagrees with me. And sadly I'm a finicky eater which means either I eat what I like or I don't eat at all.

This brings me to the situation that I was confronted with in the Fall of 2012. After having been diagnosed as a diabetic in March of that same year I knew that unless I made some kind of change to my eating habits and lifestyle it was possible that body parts might soon be surgically removed from my body until I eventually found myself with only a head and a big fat torso.

My doctor recommended to me that I was a prime candidate for gastric bypass surgery. And while I've never ruled that out, it wasn't something I was willing to do right away. I wanted to try and lose weight on my own. It's not that I'm afraid of the operation. I know people who have had it done and they've lost a great amount of weight and their lives have drastically improved. I just felt I could find enough will power inside of me to get the job done and at the very least get to a more manageable weight.

I've always been active in sports but in recent years my weight gain has pretty much ended that. All except golfing but even there I was forced to use a motorized golf cart to get me around the course instead of walking due to the pain associated with walking. My ankles and other joints would ache for days. But back to my original train of thought.

When I played football in high school I weighed 260 pounds. That's pretty big but I was a solid and well proportioned 260. I could run short distances pretty quickly. I played baseball 5-6 nights a week in my 20's but all the time I kept adding on the pounds. Fast forward to 2011. I hadn't been to my doctor in years except to be diagnosed with Sleep Apnea, another common condition for obese people. I also hadn't weighed myself in nearly 20 years so I had no idea what damage had been done from the decades of overeating and the sedentary lifestyle I had adopted simply because I didn't like being sore from getting exercise.

One day on a job site I spotted an industrial scale used to weigh large heavy loads before they were packed into trucks for shipping. I knew most household scales would be useless for me at this point. I knew I wasn't going to like the results if I stepped on but the curiosity was killing me. I had to know what damage I had done. Lets face it, nobody ever looks in the mirror and actually sees what others see. I stepped on expecting it to come back with a shocking reading of something like 350 pounds or so. My heart nearly stopped when the reading settled on 420 pounds. That wasn't possible I thought, but the numbers didn't lie.

Heaviest weight in August 2009

The next day I started trying to eat better and smarter but as in the past, it didn't last long and I fell back into my old habits. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with the diabetes and knowing what that can lead to that I realized this was my life I was wasting and possibly eating away. I had to make a change or at the very least die trying.

I began my changing immediately. It wasn't easy and I had to ease into it because the damage had been done and in order to get active and walking again I had to lose some initial weight. And I did. By the Fall of 2012 I was starting to walk short distances and eventually several kilometres at a time working up a good sweat and getting my heart rate up enough to start burning calories. I won't lie and say my food choices changed much but I did make some changes.

The biggest change I made was to stop drinking regular Coke and Pepsi. I would drink a lot every day. I didn't like the switch to diet pop but I have acquired a taste for it now. The foods I eat for meals are more or less the same however instead of filling my plate up 2 or 3 times for supper I'll fill it once and maybe get a tiny bit more if I haven't had much else during the day. I've cut way back on my night time snacking as well which I know has had a major impact on things. I've also started using the MyFitnessPal App on my iPad and iPhone to track everything that I eat and drink each day. I only allow myself a certain number of calories which allows my body to change and shed the pounds.

Along with the change in my eating I've also been walking regularly. I have another app called MapMyWalk which uses GPS and calculations based on my age and weight to determine how many calories I burn during my walks. I can see maps of where I've been and how many calories I burned during my trip. These two apps have really proven to be great motivators for me.

Left: December 2009             Right: May 2013

So where do I stand you might be wondering after starting at 418 pounds and feeling like there was no hope of ever breaking out of a nose dive towards an early death? As of today, eight months into an honest effort towards weight-loss, I am sitting at 321 pounds. I'm happy with what I've achieved so far but still not satisfied with my weight. I'm approaching the 100 pound milestone and mini-goal I set for myself. Ultimately I'd like to lose as much as I can but the goal I set for myself when I began was to try and get below my football playing weight. My goal is 250 pounds. If I'm able to make that weight, I'm sure I'll set a new goal. But I don't want to get ahead of myself. I take it day by day and week by week.

I feel great walking and I no longer ride a cart when I'm golfing. I walk the course and carry my clubs. Sure when I climb the big hills I get huffing and puffing but everyone does and it's a good sign that I'm working my body, raising my heart-rate and dropping more calories. Best of all, the feeling I get every time I finish a round of golf knowing that where I was just a year ago, gives me a great sense of pride in myself.

So here I sit feeling healthier and lighter but my journey is long from over. My diabetes is under control with my lowest blood sugar readings ever and my aches and pains are no longer weight related; they're exercise related. While I'm still single I hold on to the hope that perhaps the changes I'm making will eventually lead to some new relationship down the road. Every day is a challenge but I've had a lot of wonderful support from family, friends and even complete strangers. I know that I can get the job done. After all, my life depends on it.

Fatties Fashions Forgotten

If you believe what you read, the world is getting fatter. I think this is probably true judging by what I see every day. I suppose it all depends on what you consider to be overweight.

I’ve been overweight my whole life. It wasn’t easy as a youngster dealing with the name calling and finger pointing. Kids can be cruel but I eventually learned to accept it and ignore it as best I could. It bothered me more when I was just starting out in school but lasted into and through high school to a lesser extent. By that point I had developed some pretty thick skin and had just learned to laugh it off on the outside. Inside was a bit of a different story.

I never slipped into deep depression as I’ve always been a pretty happy person enjoying life and spending time with people who like spending time with me. There were times when I’d feel depressed but it wasn’t something that I’d dwell on for long. I refused to let others make me feel like less of a person because I was different. Of course, as is common for many people like me, I’d eat more when I was feeling low. It’s a comfort thing I guess.

Dealing with being overweight has always been difficult on many levels. Romances were rare, people I considered very close friends were few but that’s probably normal for everyone. I was actually quite active in competitive sports playing football, rugby, badminton and track & field in high school along with all of the intramural sports.

After that I played a lot of baseball, sometimes five or six nights a week and weekend tournaments. I enjoyed it until I broke my hand swinging the bat one night. That was in 2002 I believe and I’ve never picked up a glove since. I did switch to golfing but bad ankles and knees from a combination of size and physical abuse in sports has resulted in my needing to use a golf cart now instead of walking the course. The uneven ground is torture on my joints.

No it isn’t easy being fat and although I’m happy with who I am I’d still prefer to be a bit thinner. I actually don’t eat a whole lot but my activity level has dropped so it’s tough to shed the pounds. I was recently on a ten day mini-holiday and I lost ten pounds without even trying. Don’t ask me how it happened but it would be nice if it continued.

What really infuriates me about being a person of size is the limited selection of clothing available to me. It’s tough to be trendy when you can’t find clothes that fit and the number of places that actually sell plus-size attire is limited to only one store in my area. In Canada I find it to be almost impossible to find clothes I’d be comfortable wearing, and when I do, it costs an arm and a leg to purchase them. You don’t find Wal-Mart prices at the Big and Tall store. The selection leaves a lot to be desired as well and they still barely carry the sizes that I need.

That’s why I love going to Florida. Not only do I get to see family that I don’t see often enough but there’s a store in Sarasota called Casual Male XL which caters to the plus size man and they have a much better selection of clothing to choose from. For the record, they have stores all over the United States but that just happens to be the one I visit.

I can find sporty shirts, shorts, pants and trendy t-shirts that look good. I even found a golf windbreaker by Reebok the last time I was there that was actually too big. Now the prices still aren’t exactly inexpensive but I’d rather pay a bit more for clothing I’ll enjoy wearing then having to settle for something I really don’t like.

Trust me, clothing is only one of many areas where being overweight can be a pain in the ass by getting in the way of things and living life. I’ll always be fat and I’m OK with that. It’s who I am and who I’ve been all my life but it doesn’t define me and I don’t let it control me. If someone sees me and judges me based on their preconceived opinions of overweight people, they’re missing out if they don’t take the time to really find out who I am.

Curse You Fast Food!

For Superman it's Kryptonite...for Valentino it was the ladies and although I do enjoy the fairer sex, my one true weakness is Fast Food.

As my finely sculpted body shows, fast food doesn't like me. I've always been a big guy. Even as a child I carried extra weight just in case I needed some spare body warmth, but since I graduated college I've really packed on the tonnage. I have more chins than a Chinese phone book and my love handles have taken on a life of their own.

So who or what is to blame for this? Sure I could do the right thing and look in the mirror and blame the person starring back at me but that's not the easy cop-out. I could blame my parents who always told me I had to eat all the food on my plate before I could go outside and play. No, it's much easier to just blame the evildoers of the fast food industry.

In high school I was a big guy but I was still in pretty decent shape and able to play football, rugby and baseball. Even in college and a few year's after I had added more weight, but not to the point that I couldn't track down a fly ball or run the bases. However it was during those college years that my love affair for quick and greasy fattening food took hold.

It all started to go really bad with my first real job at McDonald's. Yes, that's right, I worked at Mickey D's and it wasn't as awful as you might think. The girls I worked with were all cute and the steady pay was a nice perk as well. The trouble was I started out working full-time midnights on the grill. I was always busy as I worked at the restaurant on the Highway but one of the incentives to get people to work that shift was "free food" for the employees. It was the only shift where this happened and of course that was music to my ears...or mouth as the case was.

I'd found myself inventing menu items. Instead of the usual Big Mac's or Quarter Pounders, I was the first one to actually make double or triple Mac's (before they actually made it a menu item). How about the ever popular Quarter Pounder with Chicken and extra mayo? And of course my super size fries were always full. It wasn't long before my belly started to change to a "super size".

So that's where my love affair for fast food began. It was just a natural progression to move on to eating Whopper's at Burger King, Double Classic's with cheese at Wendy's and Double Cheeseburgers at Harvey's. If it was quick, dripping with grease and came with a toy, I was eating it. It was also common to see me inhaling a large bag of potato chips at night and drinking one Coke or Pepsi after another.

Now 17 years later I've moved from being a big guy to super sized guy who is nowhere near as active as I used to be. The aches and pains have begun as well. I still get some exercise rolling out of bed and going to the bathroom. Actually, I love playing golf and I try to walk the course as much as possible but some days the nagging ankle pains from my football and rugby injuries flare up and grabbing a power cart just seems too inviting.

I have certainly cut back on my intake of fast food and snacks today and I feel a little better but some days I just can't resist the temptation. Ask any overweight person and they'll tell you they'd like nothing more than to be thin, healthy and attractive...you know...one of the beautiful people; but it's easier said than done. Not a night goes by when I'm laying in bed thinking, "tomorrow's the day I get serious about losing weight." Yet, tomorrow comes and goes and the willpower just isn't there.

I've come to the conclusion that surgery is the only way I'll ever be thin and I just can't afford that, so I try to be as happy as possible with who I am and who I've become and I'm cool with that for now. I've never had my cholesterol checked but I can imagine my doctor would faint at the sight of the results. Oddly enough I went to the doctor recently and my blood pressure was just fine. I check my blood sugar from time to time and so far so good but I'm sure it's just a matter of time before I'm diagnosed with diabetes. It runs in the family and is likely to happen.

I'm trying to cut back on my fast food intake and I try to make smarter menu choices and I'm happy about that. I used to eat out every day and now I might eat out once or twice a week. It's not perfect but it's a step in the right direction. Now I just need to haul my ass off the couch and get more active. I think I'll go for a walk right now...right after I go to Taco Bell.