Making Up For Lost Time

Lets have some fun! I have a time machine and I want you to join me on a trip back to the mid-80’s to mid-90’s.

Those were amazing times, I was in my teens and early 20’s. I was graduating high school and going to college. The music of that time has stuck with me and is more or less the soundtrack to my entire life. I was young with no big worries except what time my next football, rugby or baseball game was. I had a core group of close friends who I did everything with. My life revolved around them, from sports, to patties, to camping and lots of drinking and eating.

I would go so far as to say that these were the best years of my life so far. And they were also the most difficult and emotional as well.

During this time I was a big lad who could hit a baseball a ton and could lay the body on opposing players. I was always up for a good time out on the weekends which always started on Wednesday night I think. I loved my friends and would do anything for them. But it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns.

I was pretty sad back then. While I'm not gay I certainly felt like the gay friend at times. At the very least I was the third wheel. I was the guy all the girls could talk to and confide in. I was the guy who could make people laugh and smile. I wasn’t the guy that the girls wanted to date or have a relationship with.

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It wasn’t because I wouldn’t treat women right. I loved women and would do anything to make them happy. No, it was obviously because I wasn’t a good looking muscular sexy hunk of man meat. I was smart and funny but no matter what a woman tells you, the only thing that really matters is how good you look as a couple and no women wanted to have me on their arm. This isn't about feeling sorry for myself, these are just the facts as I interpreted them then and perhaps even now to some extent.

Now I was able to live with that. It sucked, and still sucks today but I made the most of it and tried my best to find relationships and romance but it just never happened. “I like you as a friend” became the phrase that made my heart bleed over and over again.

Eventually I just kinda gave up. What was the point? No amount of flowers or chocolates or romantic gestures could hide the fact I was over weight and unattractive.

So when I started my weight loss journey my main goal was to get healthy and improve my life expectancy. But I won’t lie. A part of me wants to get thin, muscular and in shape to not only improve my chances at finding that which has eluded me all these years but to maybe have those girls who shunned my romantic advances all those years ago look at me and think, “gee, had he looked like that back then, I might have dated him.”

Of course I’m still not where I want to be or need to be but it is nice to get noticed now for being thinner and healthier rather than people pointing and laughing at the big fat obese mess I used to be. Every day I go out I seem to run into someone who can’t believe how much I’ve changed my appearance and it sure is nice to hear. Maybe I’m being a little vain but that’s one thing I’ve never been before.

As far as the ladies go, I’ve actually been on a couple of dates recently. All very nice ladies and it’s fun to feel like someone might actually be attracted to me. I feel like a teenager again. I guess that’s because most teens go through this at that age and here I am well past my teens feeling things I’d never felt before and it’s kinda nice for a change.

As for my progress, I’m happy to report that my new low weight is 248.8 pounds which means I’ve lost a total of 170 pounds so far. It fluctuates daily but it I keep it within a few pounds and get it back down. And the other new milestone of sorts, I tried on a pair of size 40 waist jeans the other day and actually got them done up. They're still a little snug but that wasn't going to happen when I was wearing size 60 waist jeans. So my weight isn't changing much but my body is still making gains.

Weight Isn't Everything

As I continue to work towards improving my health I’ve been learning a few things along the way. Probably the most important thing I’ve learned is to not focus on the results when I step on the scale.

I think for those of us in my generation and older, we focus too much on weight and dropping those numbers. That isn’t to say that losing weight isn’t a big deal. In fact it’s a huge deal for many people suffering from obesity. But there’s more to achieving a healthier lifestyle than dropping pounds.

When I started on this road to increase my chances of living a longer life I was solely focused on the numbers that I saw when I stepped on my scale. My success or failure was based on seeing those numbers drop. The more the number decreased the happier I was and the more successful I felt about what I was trying to do.

There isn’t anything wrong with that…up to a point. Once I stopped just reducing my calories and walking and began making regular visits to the gym to lift weights and build muscle, my weight loss stalled. What the heck was happening?

I was still eating as I’d planned and I was exercising by walking, jogging on the treadmill and had recently started burning more calories by getting my heart rate up on the elliptical, which is my new favourite form of cardio at the gym. It’s tiring but easier on the joints and I think I actually burn more calories with a 35 minute workout.

So why wasn’t my weight still dropping. The fact of the matter is, by lifting weights five days a week I was adding muscle which weighs as much or more than fat. Building muscle burns fat as well. So even though my weight was maintaining at a steady number, my body was still making positive changes.
My waist, thighs, wrists, arms, neck, legs and butt among other fatty areas were still shrinking and in fact are still shrinking. My weight hadn’t changed a bit but my body shape is still transforming and improving. My new jeans I got for Christmas are already getting loose on me. My boxers that used to be really snug are fitting much better. The 2X T-shirts I bought that were a tad snug around the belly are now loose and hanging much better now. 
Lifting weights, building muscle and toning the body is just as important as a healthy diet. It took me some time to learn this but now I can’t imagine not lifting weights at least a few times during the week. I’ll slow down a bit in the summer months just because I’m more active then but during the colder seasons and currently I find myself at the gym working with weights a minimum of five days a week.

I still step on the scale and get a little disappointed when I don’t see my numbers dropping, mainly because I set a goal for myself when I started this journey and want to reach that number. But I’m trying to change my mindset to not focus on the weight but rather the results and my appearance.

I'm working at it!

Two people at 250 pounds can look entirely different in their body types. One could be obese with a huge belly and flabby limbs while another will look much thinner and more toned. They weigh the same but their overall health is completely different.

So I’m trying to learn that weight isn’t everything but that won’t stop me from working towards getting to my original goal of 250 pounds. That would mean I’ve dropped the needed 168.8 pounds to attain this goal I set for myself when I started.

And where am I currently in this endeavour? As of today I weigh 258.2 pounds for a total of 160.6 pounds lost. This leaves me a total of 8.2 pounds away from my goal which in all honesty, I doubted I’d ever have a hope in hell of reaching. But now even this king of all pessimists has to admit it can be done.

A Year Already! Well, Almost.

Although my weight loss journey really kinda sorta maybe began in the Fall of 2012, the real work began nearly one year ago and it still seems like a dream to me that this is really happening.

It was March 2013 when I was officially diagnosed with Diabetes and placed on oral medication to help bring my blood sugars under control. That’s not to say they were completely insane but certainly elevated and worthy of concern. My doctor at the time had me on a couple of different pills to quickly bring my numbers down. I was posting readings of 14 to 16 mmol/L which is a far cry from the range of 4.5 to 6.0 readings I’m getting now. My usual readings are right around 5.1 mmol/L which I’m very happy with.

My doctor eventually was pleased with my weight loss and reduced my daily pill intake which made me happy. I want to avoid insulin if possible just because to me that seems like a warning sign that things aren’t getting better. That’s my uneducated diagnosis any way.

But it was right after my doctor gave me the bad news that the alarms went off in my head. It was time to stop being such a wimp, grow some balls and get serious about changing and improving my life.You might think that going from eating whatever and whenever I wanted to counting calories and downsizing my portions would be a tough thing to do. Let me tell you, you’re right!

I love food. And not the leafy green, low calorie stuff. I like fried foods, fast food, greasy food, bread, butter…basically anything you can think of that isn’t considered healthy, that’s what I liked to eat. I’ve never sat down and calculated what a typical day of calories would have been for the old me when I didn’t try to keep an eye on things but I can imagine I was pushing anywhere from 5000 to 7000 calories in a day without trying. Now I shoot for around 1800 calories a day…give or take.

But it wasn’t just the calories that were an issue. After spending my youth, teens and 20’s being pretty active, that all changed and I found myself spending more time in front of the computer or the TV. I stopped being active and if you’re not doing anything to burn the calories, well, the resulting obese mess I became spoke volumes.

Yes, its been nearly a year since I finally got a clue and decided to get healthy. That isn’t to say I was then or am now expecting to become a GQ model and have six pack abs and a rock hard body. Come on! I’m not living in a fantasy world. After decades of abusing myself, I knew the best case scenario was likely going to be getting into the mid-200’s if I was lucky. I’d still have a flabby stomach and thighs but dropping my weight from 420 pounds to that would be a huge game changer.

So here I am today, 11 months into my determined effort to shape a new and improved version of myself and I think I’ve done a pretty decent job so far.

My current weight sits around 261 pounds. Now it would likely be even lower than that but I’m doing a fair bet of weight lifting and building muscle which adds weight. So I’m happy to break even there. If I’m adding muscle and my weight isn’t going up, then I must still be burning fat. Truth is, I know I am. I can still see my waistline shrinking as I can nearly get into another smaller pair of jeans. Even my watch and my Fitbit bracelet on my wrists can be done up to a tighter spot now. The separation between my thighs continues to grow. Truth be told, I just wish my ass looked better. I wish I had an ass!

I never thought I’d be a gym guy but I really like going. I try to work out five days a week using the treadmill and elliptical machines for cardio and of course the weights for muscle building. I don’t have any work out buddies and stick mainly to myself which is kind of boring but at the same time I can focus on what I’m doing and get the job done without distractions. People at the gym seem friendly although most seem to keep to themselves. We do a lot of head nodding and smiles as greetings. Not a lot of talking. Of course most people wear headphones to listen to music while working up a sweat. I’m no different but will gladly turn the tunes off if anyone wants to chit chat. I can think of a few ladies worth taking the time to converse with.

Thanks For Terrifying Me Bro!

As this amazing journey of mine continues and I keep working towards the healthiest me possible, I had a moment today to sit and reflect on how far I've come.

I guess I've been so focused on the fight to drop the pounds each day for the last year that I never took the time to appreciate fully what I've accomplished. Don't get me wrong, this isn't about me bragging or flaunting my healthy changes. It's about reflecting on what it has taken to reach my current status on this quest.

My frustration has been building over the last month as my weight loss has stalled. I continue to maintain my weight which is certainly a positive but with my original goal so close, the irritation of not progressing further has had me feeling a bit defeated.

Change Can Be A Good Thing

Of course this is completely ridiculous thinking on my part. The fact I've lost 153 pounds so far really can't be considered anything but a success. Sure I would love to drop those last 15 pounds to reach my goal weight of 250 lbs but at this stage it might take a bit more effort and determination. In other words, I have to take my game to another level to overcome my opponent.

When I think back to a little over a year ago when I began this process, I started to ruminate on what lead me to finally start down the road to a healthier me. Not only that but why did I succeed this time after failing countless times in the past?

It all came down to one conversation I had with my brother Scott.

Visiting Scott and his family in Florida in March of 2012 I was pushing at least 420 pounds. The exact maximum weight I was carrying is up for debate. I hadn't weighed myself in almost two years and at that time I came in at 418 pounds. In all likely hood it's plausible I was weighing closer to 430 or more at this time.

I hadn't yet been officially diagnosed as diabetic but I had been taking my blood sugar readings and they had spiked in recent weeks. We all knew the truth, even me, although I was trying to deny it. Diabetes is quite common in my family so deep down I knew the odds were high I would eventually be hit with the disease as well.

Being in denial it took some eye opening, straight, no bullshit confrontation from my brother to wake me up. It just took me another six months of coming to grips with it before I finally wised up and made the effort to change.

Scott pulled no punches. It was almost like an intervention. My parents were there as well as my sister-in-law Erin. I should mention that Erin is a nurse and my brother in a Nurse Practitioner among other things. He has worked in busy hospital Emergency Rooms and currently oversees the training of Nurses, EMT's and Firefighters. To be honest, he has so many fancy letter combinations after his name I don't know what all he is. PhD is one of them. Long story short, they know what they're talking about when it comes to the medical field.

So there I am sitting there when the onslaught of concern, truth and love began. A lot of things were said but the one thing that stuck with me the most was being told I would most likely be dead within a matter of years and not decades. Being told that your feet, legs and more could be amputated as a result of the combination of obesity and diabetes has a way of grabbing one's attention.

I'm sure at the time I probably brushed it off but I knew there was genuine concern there and with good reason. Scott's intent was to scare me and he had succeeded even if he didn't know it at the time. I'm not sure he realized how much his talk hit me. It did sink in and stuck with me. It's still with me to this day and that fear of death really is quite the motivating tool. The fact that it's the truth just makes it even more powerful.

There are no certainties in life. I could be hit by a bus tomorrow but to sit by and eat myself to death and let my health deteriorate to a point that I can no longer look after myself is something I wasn't prepared to let happen.

So today, thanks to having the crap scared out of me, I'm 153 pounds lighter and the healthiest I've been in decades. I've been going to the gym five times a week for the last month. I'm now using the treadmill and even jogging intervals. I'm lifting weights and strengthening my body. I'm not trying to look like Mr. Olympia, I just want to feel more fit overall.

Being open with my emotions isn't something I'm comfortable with. Don't get me wrong, I'm a very emotional person and have been known to shed tears at weddings or watching movies but when it comes to expressing my feelings to others, I could be better at it. I'm sure my family knows I love them even though I don't say it. I would lay down my life for any of them if I had to but speaking the words in person is something I just don't do. I'll have to work on that.

But I needed to say thanks to my brother for caring enough to give it to me straight. Sure I did all the work to reach this point but without his push, my future would have been grim at best. Perhaps the next time I visit him we can talk about the progress I've made and I can thank him in person. Most likely I'll just buy him lunch instead and we can talk about something more interesting.

Pound by Pound & Inch by Inch

It's been almost a month since my last quick update on my progress in the battle to shrink myself to a respectable size. So I figured I'd take a few moments today to bring you up to speed on where things stand as of today.

The last month I've actually done a pretty good job of staying active and walking almost every day which hasn't necessarily resulted in pleasant results during my visits to the scale but I have been noticing some changes in my body.

I'm still big but my body shape is changing.

For example my thighs have started to shrink. I hadn't measured them in quite some time but the last time I lashed the tape measure around them the other day they had decreased by four inches each. I used to be 32 inches around the thighs and I'm currently at 28 inches and can actually start to see some separation between them which I'm thrilled about. Less chaffing is a good thing. I've always been big in the legs, both my thighs and calves, even as a child so I'm not expecting miracles to happen there but any reduction will be a positive result.

I haven't measured around my waist lately but I can tell you those size 46 jeans I purchased several weeks back are already feeling loose on me and my belt has already had one new hole punched in it and will likely need another one very soon or my pants will be around my ankles as I'm reaching for something on a high shelf at Walmart.

When it comes to my eating, which is what got me in the mess I was in to begin with, every day continues to be a struggle but I win the battle most days. I still limit myself to 2000 calories per day which I think is pretty reasonable. I'm still eating what I like but one thing I have tried to change in my daily routine is not counting my calories burned towards my calorie intake. For example, if I walked 8 kilometres and burned 1000 calories, I would look at that and say I have an extra 1000 calories I can eat that day. So in fact, I would be eating a total of 3000 calories a day instead of my allotted 2000. Now I'm only eating up to or around the 2000 calories a day no matter what I burn exercising. I think this will help aid my weight loss more and hopefully diminish the frequency of plateaus. We'll see how that works.

So where do I stand with my overall weight loss?

My starting weight was 418.8 pounds and as of today's trip to the scale, my current weight stands at 269.5 pounds. That's a total of 149.3 pounds lost so far.

My goal weight when I started was and still is 250 pounds so I'm currently 19.5 pounds away from reaching it. Surprisingly I am also just 7.5 pounds away from getting back to the weight I was when I played high school football many many years ago. I'm thrilled by this progress and the idea of actually attaining my goal but when I began my journey I jokingly stated that I would run naked in the street if I ever reached that goal. My neighbours should be on alert that as I get closer they might want to keep their blinds closed and children inside.

Losing Weight is Hard Work

The changes are happening slowly.

Its been over a month since I last posted anything on my blog so I figured it's probably time to give an update on how my battle against all things fatty and tasty are going.

I'm posting some photos here that are slightly embarrassing but I think they'll illustrate where I've come from and how I'm progressing. I've made a point of documenting my progress to have a visual reference of the transformation. I've never been comfortable in my own massive skin but I want to be as open and honest about this journey as possible and I'm glad so many people are taking the trip with me and supporting me.

June 2007 - Likely heavier than 418 lbs.

My progress is continuing nicely
although some weeks I do seem to run into a brick wall and my dropping weight stalls. I guess this is normal as my body continues to adjust to the changes taking place but I will admit it's frustrating stepping on the scale and not seeing the results I think should be looking up at me.

But I continue to make an effort to improve my life and my health by eating less and exercising more. I try to get in at least four types of cardio exercise each week. This could be anything from a three hour round of golf to a 30 minute walk around the neighbourhood. I feel if I can continue to stay vigilant of my food intake and keep burning calories on a regular basis, positive results will happen.

A good college and radio friend of mine wanted to know what changes I've made to my diet and if I've embraced new and healthier foods that I wouldn't have normally eaten in the past. To answer your question Scott (Freddy), I'm still pretty much eating the same foods I used to eat when I weighed 418 pounds. The difference of course is that I'm not eating nearly as much of it even though some days I really want to.

On July 3, 2013 I finally dropped below 300 lbs.

When I sat down with my Dietician we discussed the foods I like to eat and what I don't like to eat. It became clear to her that I was a very picky eater who frowns on most "healthy" foods. I will eat a salad if I go out for supper but I'm not a big veggie connoisseur. That isn't to say I'm not going to try and make some changes. In fact, I have tried some different foods but the bottom line is, if I don't like it I'm not going to force myself to eat it. She eventually talked me into eating smaller portions of the foods I like which most days I have no trouble doing. 

Fruits are not something I enjoy at all. I wish I did like them because that would make finding healthy snacks much easier. Instead, I usually end up not having snacks or only on rare occasions and certainly not something that would be considered healthy. Lets just say it's a work in progress and I hope to make more changes at some point.

Wearing a ball jacket that hadn't fit for 20 years.

I mentioned in the past that I switched from regular pop to diet pop to eliminate the calories and sugar but now I'm reading that diet pop can be just as bad for you. I'm going to stick with it for now until I can find something that will take its place. I like drinking water but I can't just drink water. Maybe I should just drink water and Molson 67 beer from now on. It's only 67 calories ya know.

One thing that I'm quite proud of is how I've kept my promise to myself to exercise. When I first started this journey to a new me I thought I'd probably exercise twice a week for maybe 10 minutes but I've been doing much more than that. One thing that's helped me to be more active like I was 20 years ago was dropping the weight. That's right, I had to lose weight in order to be more active and lose even more. The more weight I lose, the more energy I seem to have and the more willing I am to get out and wear out my running shoes. I enjoy my walks and if sweating is a sign of progress than I've been making plenty of progress this summer. And between you and me, I think losing weight makes you feel more horny. Maybe it's more testosterone or something. I'll have to do more research on that. I just need to find a research partner. 

So where do I stand on my road to a new and improved me you might be wondering. As I mentioned previously, my goal was to get below 300 pounds by my birthday on July 17th. I'm happy to report that I was able to reach that goal two weeks ahead of schedule.

It may look ugly but my stomach is shrinking.

My starting weight was 418 pounds. My current weight as of today is 295 pounds. That gives me a total weight loss of 123 pounds so far after working at it in earnest for 10 months.

I fully expect the amount of weight and the ease in which I lose it to slow down and I'm okay with that. The way I feel now compared to a year ago is like night and day. If I didn't lose another pound I wouldn't be happy but with the daily aches and pains I grew accustomed to and endured for all those years now gone I feel so much happier about myself.

But my hope is to continue to shed as much weight as I can and hopefully find myself in a gym this winter lifting weights and toning the now sagging skin that is developing from losing the fat. At my age and after decades of abuse my body just won't bounce back like other people I see. At least not quickly.

I'll never have six-pack abs or tightly toned legs, butt or arms, however I'd like to get to the point where I don't step out of the shower and scare myself. It would be nice to look in the mirror one day and say, "damn, where have you been all my life?"