I Hate Telemarketers!

I am sick and tired of telemarketers calling. They usually call around supper time because they know they stand a better chance of getting someone with a mouth full of food.

Recently I added my phone number to the Canadian National Do Not Call List and even though that did reduce the number of annoying calls I get, it hasn't eliminated them entirely.

I'm still getting the calls where the ship horn sounds before a recorded voice tells me I've won a cruise. Ya right....I can hardly wait to hit the high seas.

The easiest one's to ignore are when you say "hello" and there's that pause before someone picks up at the other end. The auto dialer calls and as soon as they realize they have a live person, they'll start into their sales pitch. What I like about those calls is they're easy to identify and therefore I'm able to hang up as soon as they don't answer right away. Of course if I don't hang up quick enough, I still don't feel rude hanging up on them.

Part of me can't help but feel a little sorry for these telemarketers though. I mean, it's their job to bother me and I'm quite sure they'd feel exactly as I do if they were getting the calls. I'm pretty sure that just because someone works as a telemarketer, that doesn't mean they're any more tolerant when someone calls to interrupt their meals.

I'm reminded of one of my favourite Seinfeld scenes when Jerry receives a call from a guy trying to get him to switch phone companies. I loved how he handled it.



But I think Tom Mabe did a great job of turning the tables on the telemarketer who called him one evening. It seems Tom enjoys messing with their minds and records the conversations for others to enjoy...or at least that's what we're to believe in this radio clip. I don't know if this really happened or not but I still thought it was too funny to not share with all of you.

Vivid Memories of 9/11

Here it is, six years after that horrible day in 2001 and the images in my memory are as fresh today as they were on that horrific morning. It was one of those events in history like the Kennedy Assassination, the attack on Pearl Harbor or the Challenger Shuttle explosion where you can remember exactly where you were when it happened.

It sounds so cliché but it really was just another day like all the rest before it. On September 11, 2001 I was working as the morning announcer on the local radio station in my hometown. The morning had been going smoothly with the usual jokes, interviews, trivia contests and birthday announcements. I had just finished a break at 8:49 a.m. when Todd Smith, one of our news reporters, opened the studio door and told me to come to the newsroom and that the World Trade Center in New York had been hit.

I looked out the studio window and I clearly remember thinking, "it's a beautiful clear day how could you not miss the World Trade Center, it can't be an accident." I walked across the hall to the newsroom and joined the rest of the staff watching the TV as we speculated the size of the plane. CNN was reporting a small private plane had hit it but we looked at the hole in the building and knew that couldn't be the case. A small plane would have bounced off the side of the tower.

It was now 9:00 a.m. and with the news on I had five free minutes to go back to the newsroom to continue watching the events as they unfolded. Standing there I said, "they had to have hit it on purpose." No sooner did I get the words out of my mouth and the second plane came into view. "There's another one" I shouted just before it slammed into the second tower and erupted into a gigantic fireball over the city. The words that followed by most of us watching included "Holy Shit" and "Oh my God" as we stared in disbelief at what we were witnessing. I think Todd and I both said "It's an attack" at the same time as we rushed to get back to the studios to get the latest out to our listeners.

Realizing the magnitude of what was happening, I knew we had to change our programming immediately from music to information. Nobody was going to care that they weren't hearing the Eagles, all they wanted was the latest information. For the next 45 minutes and with the help of our news staff, I did my best to provide the latest details, facts and thoughts on what was transpiring.

At 9:40 a.m. the Pentagon was hit by yet another plane and this went from being more than a story we could handle with our limited resources. I managed to find ABC Radio's coverage on a satellite feed and switched over to live coverage from them for the remainder of the day. We stopped only for local news at noon and then returned to the ABC feed for the afternoon.

After watching for hours on TV at work and having seen the towers collapse, I finished off my duties for the day and went home to continue viewing from my couch. It was one of those things where you're watching all of these events unfold in front of you, yet you really can't believe what you're seeing. It was an overload of emotions as I watched in disbelief.

I can't remember what I did on the air the next morning as it was just a blur. I certainly wasn't in the mood to be funny, tell jokes or play games and I don't think my audience was in much of a mood for it either. I think all I did was take calls and talk about what had happened. There was much speculation of course on who was to blame but at the time all I could think about were the number of lives lost, how few survivours were pulled from "Ground Zero" and just the size of the disaster.

The number of victims was close to the total lost at Pearl Harbor but this was so different because other than the Pentagon this wasn't a military target and these weren't soldiers and sailors being targeted. These were civilians of all nationalities; average everyday hard-working people like you or me who never hurt anyone and probably didn't know much about the terrorists, their agenda or their homeland. All they did was get up in the morning and go to work or get on a plane and it cost them their lives. For the heroes wearing police and firefighters uniforms; they died doing what they were trained to do and I'm sure their families are proud of them and their sacrifice.

As I sit here six years later, a lot of things have changed in my life but I still remain angry at some things. I'm angry at those who perpetrated those acts and I'm angry that the cowards behind it have not been brought to justice. I always hear how this is a small world but for some reason we can't find Osama Bin Laden and bring him to justice.

I don't want to make this a political statement but I'm not a fan of George W. Bush. Having said that, I would like him a lot more had he been able to capture and kill Bin Laden as he promised in the hours and days following the attacks. I am in favour of the death penalty and I don't think anyone has deserved it more in recent years than him. I'll smile ear to ear if he is ever found alive and soon after killed.

Late Night Radio & TV Stinks

I envy those of you who can jump into bed before 1:00 in the morning and go to sleep. However, you are really missing out on some quality entertainment.

I am not blessed with the ability to put head to pillow that early. Of course my current job has a lot to do with that since I work mostly graveyard shifts and my work day usually starts at 11pm and ends at 7am. Yes, while you're dreaming away the night, I'm at work. Of course that isn't a bad thing since I like being awake at night and enjoy having the afternoon's to do what I like and the evening's as well to golf or whatever.

The only real downside to staying awake all night is the quality of television and radio that is provided. I could listen to the radio but I don't care for a lot of the music that they play on most of the local stations except for one. And the fact that I used to work for one company and they screwed me over has left a bitter taste in my mouth. Even that has certainly lost some of its bitterness. I guess time really does heal all wounds. Of course I'd still like to have a chat with a couple of people.

The one thing I really hate about late night local radio in 2006 (and for the last 8 years or more) is that there are no live announcers on in the evening or overnight on most of them. It's all automated and if you do hear a voice, it was recorded earlier in the day by someone working at one of the other stations in the company. In fact, when I started in radio in 1992, we had five full-time announcers and we were live 24-hours a day. When I was "laid off", the station only had two full-time announcers and was automated between 6pm and 6am weekdays and even more so on weekends. The need to make money means more than providing quality programming. All storms, disasters or urgent events had better happen before 6pm or you won't hear about it until the next morning. You might as well just buy the newspaper.

Television isn't much better when it comes to entertainment. After Letterman, Leno, Conan or Stewart, the pickings become pretty slim if you don't have a bunch of specialty channels. Sure I can always watch CNN, TSN or Sportsnet but you can only watch the highlights so many times. Everything else is reruns of Raymond, Seinfeld, Friends or Drew Carey until 2am.

Now after 2am is when the really good stuff comes on. I just can't watch the "Little Giant" ladder infomercial enough times. If you are dieing to get your hands on a new amazing food processor, miracle oven, zit cream remedy or you just want to become your own boss and a millionaire, you should stay up late.

Of course the real people being catered to late at night are the single, lonely, sexually frustrated men sitting on their couches. And yes, maybe I am one of those guys but it hasn't been confirmed yet. No, nothing beats the sexually suggestive videos of scantily clad women playing by the pool, spreading themselves across rocks or lounging on expensive yachts. Just call the 1-900 number on the screen, empty your bank account and you can talk to some of the sexy women just like the one's on the TV. Call now and talk live with these girls...or some 50-year old mom pretending to be a hot 20-something boy toy.

Someone please tell me, where is this place that 12 women are lying around half-naked on a fur covered bed begging for guys to call because they're lonely and need someone to talk to? Tell me please and I'll take the money I would have wasted on a phone call and use it for gas to drive there and join them on the bed.

I really get a kick out of the girls on the boats. Here they have these women in bikinis on the front of the boat talking on phones that look like they're 20 years old. The phones have cords attached to them and even though I don't own a vessel full of hot babes, I'm pretty sure the phone company won't run a phone line to a boat in the middle of the bay. And maybe I'm just being picky, but could someone please give these girls a dental plan.

So as you can see, the entertainment provided to those of us blessed with a work schedule a little out of the norm or those who just can't sleep at night really leaves a lot to be desired. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a cute redhead in a string bikini that needs me to call her for a good time. Come to daddy.