Making Up For Lost Time

Lets have some fun! I have a time machine and I want you to join me on a trip back to the mid-80’s to mid-90’s.

Those were amazing times, I was in my teens and early 20’s. I was graduating high school and going to college. The music of that time has stuck with me and is more or less the soundtrack to my entire life. I was young with no big worries except what time my next football, rugby or baseball game was. I had a core group of close friends who I did everything with. My life revolved around them, from sports, to patties, to camping and lots of drinking and eating.

I would go so far as to say that these were the best years of my life so far. And they were also the most difficult and emotional as well.

During this time I was a big lad who could hit a baseball a ton and could lay the body on opposing players. I was always up for a good time out on the weekends which always started on Wednesday night I think. I loved my friends and would do anything for them. But it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns.

I was pretty sad back then. While I'm not gay I certainly felt like the gay friend at times. At the very least I was the third wheel. I was the guy all the girls could talk to and confide in. I was the guy who could make people laugh and smile. I wasn’t the guy that the girls wanted to date or have a relationship with.

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It wasn’t because I wouldn’t treat women right. I loved women and would do anything to make them happy. No, it was obviously because I wasn’t a good looking muscular sexy hunk of man meat. I was smart and funny but no matter what a woman tells you, the only thing that really matters is how good you look as a couple and no women wanted to have me on their arm. This isn't about feeling sorry for myself, these are just the facts as I interpreted them then and perhaps even now to some extent.

Now I was able to live with that. It sucked, and still sucks today but I made the most of it and tried my best to find relationships and romance but it just never happened. “I like you as a friend” became the phrase that made my heart bleed over and over again.

Eventually I just kinda gave up. What was the point? No amount of flowers or chocolates or romantic gestures could hide the fact I was over weight and unattractive.

So when I started my weight loss journey my main goal was to get healthy and improve my life expectancy. But I won’t lie. A part of me wants to get thin, muscular and in shape to not only improve my chances at finding that which has eluded me all these years but to maybe have those girls who shunned my romantic advances all those years ago look at me and think, “gee, had he looked like that back then, I might have dated him.”

Of course I’m still not where I want to be or need to be but it is nice to get noticed now for being thinner and healthier rather than people pointing and laughing at the big fat obese mess I used to be. Every day I go out I seem to run into someone who can’t believe how much I’ve changed my appearance and it sure is nice to hear. Maybe I’m being a little vain but that’s one thing I’ve never been before.

As far as the ladies go, I’ve actually been on a couple of dates recently. All very nice ladies and it’s fun to feel like someone might actually be attracted to me. I feel like a teenager again. I guess that’s because most teens go through this at that age and here I am well past my teens feeling things I’d never felt before and it’s kinda nice for a change.

As for my progress, I’m happy to report that my new low weight is 248.8 pounds which means I’ve lost a total of 170 pounds so far. It fluctuates daily but it I keep it within a few pounds and get it back down. And the other new milestone of sorts, I tried on a pair of size 40 waist jeans the other day and actually got them done up. They're still a little snug but that wasn't going to happen when I was wearing size 60 waist jeans. So my weight isn't changing much but my body is still making gains.

Miracles Do Happen

When I think back to the day I made the choice to lose weight, it amazes me that I've stayed true to the plan over a year later.

Like so many other times in the past, when I made the decision to make it really happen this time after failing countless times in the past, in the back of my mind I was thinking, "you're probably going to fail again like all the times before." But surprisingly that isn't the case.

Yesterday, after beginning this journey in October of 2012 halfheartedly and then with more serious desire in March of 2013, I finally reached my original weight loss goal. As many of you know who have been following my efforts, I started at a maximum weight of 418.8 pounds and I set a goal of 250 pounds. In actual fact I weighed much more than 418 at one point but didn't have a true weight measurement to go on until I weighed in at 418.8. Yesterday when I stepped on the scale I was thrilled to read the numbers that showed up. I was past my goal and weighed 249.3 pounds. I've officially lost 169.5 pounds to date.

As you might imagine it was a rather emotional moment for me.

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I didn't cry or anything but the sense of accomplishment and pride I felt was beyond words.

If you were to ask me what was different this time after failing so many times before, I don't know if I could say for certain what changed. Where did this new found willpower and fear of failure come from? How did I commit to eating less and changing my eating habits? Where did the energy come from to start walking every day which eventually turned me into a gym rat spending five days a week on the elliptical, treadmill and lifting weights?

Beats the hell out of me.

Obviously the diagnosis of being a diabetic was a huge motivating factor. Seeing changes in my body that were indicators of a potential deadly outcome in the not too distant future was motivating. Getting winded while struggling to get out of bed, get dressed or climb stairs was motivating. The thought of being bed-ridden, wheelchair bound or attending my own funeral before I turned 50 was motivating.

Just one of those things should have been motivating enough but to combine them all and finally have the light bulb go off in my brain and realize that I'm not ready to die probably got things going in a a positive direction for the first time in my life.

And now that I've actually reached the goal I set for myself I can take a moment to look back. But only a moment because I want to forget that version of me ever existed. Well, I don't want to forget entirely because I need to remember where I came from to recognize the signs that I'm not being as healthy as I need to be and to prevent it from ever happening again.

I've yet to set a new goal for myself because I don't really know what would be realistic.

I've been toying with the idea of setting the new goal for 218.8 pounds. If I succeed in reaching that goal I would have lost a total of 200 pounds.

I'm not sure it's possible though. And then there's the debate over what to do about any excess skin I have left behind. Forty plus years of being obese and then losing a lot of weight leaves behind some unsightly skin. I'd rather have that then the weight but it's still not pretty to look at...not that anyone sees me naked. But I have to look in the mirror so it might be something I can discuss with my doctor down the road. For now, I'm not planning on wearing a Speedo on the beach or being on the cover of GQ or Muscle and Fitness, so I can live with it.

Not long into this weight loss journey I wondered what I might do to celebrate or mark the occasion if I reached my goal. I don't have any tattoos on my body and I've never really had any desire to get one, mainly because I could never think of anything I wanted bad enough to have it permanently inked into my skin. I'm still open to the idea but don't have a clue what I'd get or where I'd put it. The thought of it is kinda neat and I know that it would mean something special as it would mark a significant achievement in my life. I'm open to suggestions if anyone wants to provide any.

So I'm going to enjoy this moment for a bit while continuing to watch what I eat and work out. Soon I'll be golfing again and will be back to walking the golf course and climbing the hills which is always some good exercise, even if my game is complete crap. It's all about the greater good though.

Naked Jog Approaching

Way back when I started my weight loss journey at nearly 420 pounds, I jokingly passed the comment that if I reach my goal weight of 250 pounds I’d jog naked up the street. At the time knowing how many times I’d failed to stick to past diets and my history of valuing fatty foods over a healthier and trimmer body, there was no way I honestly expected to ever come close to reaching that goal. Therefore, I had no fear of ever having to strip off my clothes and take a quick run.

I’m reminded of one night in September at a Men’s League Golf Party when after our round we were sitting in the clubhouse eating our meal and drinking our free booze watching the World Hockey Championships. Canada was losing late in the game and one of the guys, clearly having had too many wobbly pops, made the bold statement, “if Canada wins this game I’ll streak naked up the number one fairway.” No sooner had Canada come from behind and won the game, he was up and out the door tearing off his clothes as he went and sure enough he was streaking up the fairway as promised. It’s an image I can’t erase from my mind.

So back to my dilemma; as of today, my current weight is 253.6 pounds. Yup, you guessed it, I’m just 3.6 pounds from reaching that lofty goal I set for myself a little over a year ago and have lost a total of 165.2 pounds. Now I realize I’m not compelled to do anything I’m not comfortable with. And I can guarantee I would never do it when there are children around.

If I do finally reach my goal I’ll decide then if I’ll do it. I never said at what time of day it would happen but should I find the courage to get naked and take a stroll in my birthday suit to celebrate the accomplishment, I’m pretty sure it would happen after dark late at night.

So then people will question whether I actually did it or not. If It does come to pass that I find some hidden courage to put myself out there like never before, I’ll be sure to video it and take photos which I will carefully edit for public consumption.

But of course, regardless of what actually happens and whether I really go through with it, the feeling of accomplishment and knowing that I successfully attained my goal will be reward enough for me. I can’t speak to how the ladies will feel.

Toronto Is A Mess

Before you read any further, keep in mind that I haven't been in downtown Toronto for many years and I fully expected there to be changes. I don't mind change but the inconveniences that go along with those changes can be quite a hurdle for some people.

Yonge-Dundas Square

I actually love Toronto. More so in the summer than the winter but overall I think it's an amazing city full of interesting things to do and a wide variety of people both sane and off the wall.

This past Saturday I had tickets to the Toronto Maple Leafs game. They were playing my favourite team the Montreal Canadiens and I was looking forward to attending the game with my 75 year old father who is a life long Habs fan as well.

We decided that since we hadn't been to Toronto in a bunch of years that we'd go up early, catch the GO Train in Oshawa and take it to Union Station and then go from there.

First off, I have to wonder how many people get to ride the GO Train for free. Me being an honest person, I entered the Oshawa station and forked over the money for my Adult ticket and my fathers Senior ticket which were both Day Passes so we could catch the return train after the game. At no point on either trip did anyone ask to see our tickets. I could have just as easily, and I'm sure many do, walked through the station and just hopped on the train. When the game was over we did the exact same thing walking up to track level and boarding the train for the ride home. I could have saved myself $30.

Dad in the Eaton Centre

That's a minor thing. However, upon arriving at Union Station we were greeted by some bad news. The Subway wasn't working. Judging by the extreme construction going on outside the station on Front Street, I can only assume that was the reason for it. We had planned to jump on the Subway for the short ride up to the Eaton Centre.

It really isn't too far up Yonge Street to Queen Street where you can enter the Eaton Centre from the South entrance. Just a few blocks, but for a 75 year old man who isn't overly active, that's a good hike uphill. We could have jumped on a bus but to be honest, I don't have a bloody clue what bus to take so it seemed a safer bet to just hoof it.

By the time we got there my father was beat. He was shaking from the cold and exhausted from the hike. It took him quite a while to stop shaking but he was days before he had recovered from the walk up and back.

Now after resting and doing a bit more walking at the Eaton Centre we decided the best bet to keep my dad warm was to take the PATH back to Union Station and the Air Canada Centre for the game. I'd never walked the PATH before but it's underground out of the cold and wind so it made sense. It was actually quite a nice walk but all of the restaurants and stores were closed which I thought was odd for a city of this size.

Dad and Me waiting for the game to start at the ACC

My biggest complaint about the PATH was the fact the public washrooms were locked. Every washroom we came across was locked and the further we went the worse we needed one. I finally asked a security guard where I could find an open bathroom. He pointed us south to another closed food court area where we did locate a place to relieve ourselves. I'm sure we couldn't have been the only people cursing the city that day and I know for a fact my father wasn't the only senior citizen down there where bathrooms would be a welcome sight.

Despite the transit mess and washrooms like Fort Knox, we did get back to Union Station. Dad was exhausted and I was tempted to just get back on the train and head home without going to the hockey game but the stubborn old fool wanted to wait to see if he felt better.

Montreal playing Toronto. The Habs won of course!

Well, he eventually did, or at least he said he did and we made it to the game. But not before the poor guy had to walk to the South side of the ACC to Gate 4. I thought I was going to have to get him a wheel chair or carry him after the game to get him home. Once the game ended we made the long walk back to Union Station and on to the GO Train for the ride back to Oshawa. The train was full and after a few stops a seat opened up and dad was able to sit down and rest. I knew he was tired when he handed me the keys to drive his truck home.

I hope to visit Toronto again in the near future to do some shopping but I hope if I do go in the summer, the city is more accessible. I realize that upgrading the cities infrastructure must be done and they try to do it with as little frustration to the public as possible but for some it's just unavoidable. While it isn't an issue for me, there are thousands of other tourists who will rely on the services that weren't available to us on this particular visit.

Wild Winter Needs To End

What a crazy winter this has been and as of today there really doesn't appear to be any end in sight to the madness.

Normally I can handle the snow but the cold weather is what usually bothers me. This year however we've seen higher snowfall amounts combined with the frigid temperatures and I'm nearing my breaking point. The thoughts of going "Postal" are creeping in. Okay, not really but I've had enough of it.

I've lost count the number of times I've had to shovel the driveway or use the snow-blower since November. I've had to replace one rear window in my car that blew out one night the mercury dipped to minus 30 and I picked a good time in my life to start lifting weights because it came in handy when I spent three straight days chipping four and five inches of ice out of the driveway and the walkway.

I'm not a skier and I don't own a snowmobile. I don't like ice fishing and while I'm sure those who do enjoy these activities have had a wonderful winter season, I truly hope their fun is about to end.

The only interesting thing that has come from all of this cold weather is the ice formations on Lake Ontario. The Great Lakes have seen nearly all of their surface area covered in ice this winter which hasn't happened in a very long time.

At Presqu'ile the waves combined with the cold have created some impressive ice volcanoes and formations that are really quite something to see. In recent years on my visits to the park there wasn't much ice at all but this year really made up for it.

I'm not one to venture out on to the ice because I just don't trust what's happening underneath it but even from the shoreline I was able to get a few photos of life in the winter at the park. But I won't lie, the green grass and leaves on the trees can't come soon enough for me.