Enjoy Life and Smile

I posted a blog earlier today and after some reflection and some wise and loving words from my girlfriend, I realized the post wasn’t really me . Okay, it was me who wrote the words but they didn’t truly reflect my feelings and my life right now. I was, for lack of a better term, a real asshole. And if there’s one thing I’ve prided myself on, it’s being a good person and respecting everyone who shows me the same love and respect in return. So I deleted the blog.

I think most of us reach a point in our lives where we can reflect on things and appreciate the good and block out the negativity. It comes with age and wisdom.

As kids, we would let peer pressure seep in and rule our feelings and actions and then one day you wake up and you no longer allow others to dictate who you’re going to be. You can choose to hate the world and everyone around you and isolate yourself. Or you can embrace life, appreciate the people who touch your lives daily and choose to love the people who truly mean the world to you.

Bitterness can be an evil thing if you allow it to take over your life. Lord knows we’ve all had things happen through our lives where we could have allowed it to blacken our hearts or force you to put up walls. I feel sorry for those people who shut themselves off and are afraid to love and be loved. Or maybe they spend life being alone. I guess it could be possible for these people to be truly happy when they’re alone and miserable but that just seems horrible to me.

I’ve known disappointment, anger, pain, sadness and pretty much all of the good and bad feelings a lifetime can bring and yet I choose to remain optimistic, cheerful, friendly and loving because I know that it’s all a part of this short life we have.

Whether you live 100 years or something significantly less, it’s important to not waste the time you have.

Appreciate the people you have in your life and those you have met along the way. Life can bring you bad times but how you react to those obstacles and move ahead determines how you’ll move forward.

I see people walking around looking straight ahead, afraid to make eye contact, not willing to share a friendly greeting, smile or so much as a nod hello and I feel sorry for them. I suppose that’s their right but it just feels like an awful waste. When I’m out and about I may be having a bad day but I still manage to give a smile, wave or hello with those I meet.

I think it’s important to surround yourself with people who annoy you, challenge you, inspire you, appreciate you and most of all care about you. I try to do that every day.

Thank you Lee for reminding me what’s most important. I have a loving girlfriend, a family that has supported me throughout my life and will be there whenever I need them. And while I don’t have many close friends, I have a throng of supporting and caring people who are always willing to accept me for who I am and share in my life. I appreciate all of you who have touched my life and shaped me, even in some small way.

The Hap Hap Happiest Christmas

Traditionally I suppose Thanksgiving is the time to give thanks and be grateful for what you have but to be honest, this past Thanksgiving I wasn’t feeling particularly happy about what was happening in my life or the life of my family.

This year for the most part had been one hellish roller-coaster ride for me and my family. Perhaps I was just blinded by all the negative things to see the good stuff that happened in 2014 but to be honest, the bad news was so great that I didn’t feel much like smiling or enjoying the good times.

The most important man in my life, my father, has been dealing with a deadly form of cancer since the summer and the prognosis seemed bleak at best. I’m not a doctor but I suppose that’s still the case but luckily there has been some good news just in time for Christmas.

With cancer moving from his only remaining kidney into his lungs, you can imagine it was a very depressing summer and autumn. We did our best to put on a brave face and my father has done an amazing job of remaining positive and was willing to fight this bastard of a disease as best he could.

I’m not an overly religious person so I’m not going to say divine intervention has played a part in the latest results. I truly believe modern medicine has come a long way with advancements to prolong the lives of those stricken with this affliction. It was very welcome news a few weeks ago when my dad visited the doctor at the cancer clinic and was told that there were no new lesions or growth in his lungs and kidney. What was even more amazing was the fact the existing tumors had shrunk “significantly”. We knew full well going into the treatment with these expensive chemo pills that it wasn’t a cure. All we were hoping for was more time with my dad and to give him a chance. It appears as though that will be the case.

With any luck the pills will continue to do their job and keep the cancer in check for a while, thus allowing my father to enjoy more time on this earth and for those of us who love him, more time to irritate and annoy his grumpy ass. Any extra time and every day is a blessing.

On a personal level, the end of 2014 has also brought some unexpected but long sought after love into my life. That’s right, I met someone.

The funny thing is; I’ve known her for well over 30 years. We went to high school together and have always been friends.

We had touched base from time to time over the last few years and chatted online. I had dated several women this year with no love connection and perhaps with all that was happening with dad my heart really wasn’t into it. And then one day while chatting with her, something finally clicked in me. I realized that this woman and friend would be an amazing person to date and pursue a relationship with. Of course, that all depended on whether or not she had any interest in me. As it turns out, she was interested. 

Officially we’ve been dating for three weeks but since we’ve known each other for so long and been talking so much in recent years, it feels as though we’ve been together for much longer. We were able to skip that whole “getting to know each other” phase since we already knew each other so well. It’s safe to say she is my best friend and we get along so well. We are always laughing and having a good time together. We just click and are comfortable with each other. I know my family will grow to love her as much as I do.

So 2014 was bloody awful for the most part but some amazing news and events at the tail end of the year has turned the whole year around. This will truly be the happiest Christmas for me in a very long time.

Miracles Do Happen

When I think back to the day I made the choice to lose weight, it amazes me that I've stayed true to the plan over a year later.

Like so many other times in the past, when I made the decision to make it really happen this time after failing countless times in the past, in the back of my mind I was thinking, "you're probably going to fail again like all the times before." But surprisingly that isn't the case.

Yesterday, after beginning this journey in October of 2012 halfheartedly and then with more serious desire in March of 2013, I finally reached my original weight loss goal. As many of you know who have been following my efforts, I started at a maximum weight of 418.8 pounds and I set a goal of 250 pounds. In actual fact I weighed much more than 418 at one point but didn't have a true weight measurement to go on until I weighed in at 418.8. Yesterday when I stepped on the scale I was thrilled to read the numbers that showed up. I was past my goal and weighed 249.3 pounds. I've officially lost 169.5 pounds to date.

As you might imagine it was a rather emotional moment for me.

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I didn't cry or anything but the sense of accomplishment and pride I felt was beyond words.

If you were to ask me what was different this time after failing so many times before, I don't know if I could say for certain what changed. Where did this new found willpower and fear of failure come from? How did I commit to eating less and changing my eating habits? Where did the energy come from to start walking every day which eventually turned me into a gym rat spending five days a week on the elliptical, treadmill and lifting weights?

Beats the hell out of me.

Obviously the diagnosis of being a diabetic was a huge motivating factor. Seeing changes in my body that were indicators of a potential deadly outcome in the not too distant future was motivating. Getting winded while struggling to get out of bed, get dressed or climb stairs was motivating. The thought of being bed-ridden, wheelchair bound or attending my own funeral before I turned 50 was motivating.

Just one of those things should have been motivating enough but to combine them all and finally have the light bulb go off in my brain and realize that I'm not ready to die probably got things going in a a positive direction for the first time in my life.

And now that I've actually reached the goal I set for myself I can take a moment to look back. But only a moment because I want to forget that version of me ever existed. Well, I don't want to forget entirely because I need to remember where I came from to recognize the signs that I'm not being as healthy as I need to be and to prevent it from ever happening again.

I've yet to set a new goal for myself because I don't really know what would be realistic.

I've been toying with the idea of setting the new goal for 218.8 pounds. If I succeed in reaching that goal I would have lost a total of 200 pounds.

I'm not sure it's possible though. And then there's the debate over what to do about any excess skin I have left behind. Forty plus years of being obese and then losing a lot of weight leaves behind some unsightly skin. I'd rather have that then the weight but it's still not pretty to look at...not that anyone sees me naked. But I have to look in the mirror so it might be something I can discuss with my doctor down the road. For now, I'm not planning on wearing a Speedo on the beach or being on the cover of GQ or Muscle and Fitness, so I can live with it.

Not long into this weight loss journey I wondered what I might do to celebrate or mark the occasion if I reached my goal. I don't have any tattoos on my body and I've never really had any desire to get one, mainly because I could never think of anything I wanted bad enough to have it permanently inked into my skin. I'm still open to the idea but don't have a clue what I'd get or where I'd put it. The thought of it is kinda neat and I know that it would mean something special as it would mark a significant achievement in my life. I'm open to suggestions if anyone wants to provide any.

So I'm going to enjoy this moment for a bit while continuing to watch what I eat and work out. Soon I'll be golfing again and will be back to walking the golf course and climbing the hills which is always some good exercise, even if my game is complete crap. It's all about the greater good though.

Weight Isn't Everything

As I continue to work towards improving my health I’ve been learning a few things along the way. Probably the most important thing I’ve learned is to not focus on the results when I step on the scale.

I think for those of us in my generation and older, we focus too much on weight and dropping those numbers. That isn’t to say that losing weight isn’t a big deal. In fact it’s a huge deal for many people suffering from obesity. But there’s more to achieving a healthier lifestyle than dropping pounds.

When I started on this road to increase my chances of living a longer life I was solely focused on the numbers that I saw when I stepped on my scale. My success or failure was based on seeing those numbers drop. The more the number decreased the happier I was and the more successful I felt about what I was trying to do.

There isn’t anything wrong with that…up to a point. Once I stopped just reducing my calories and walking and began making regular visits to the gym to lift weights and build muscle, my weight loss stalled. What the heck was happening?

I was still eating as I’d planned and I was exercising by walking, jogging on the treadmill and had recently started burning more calories by getting my heart rate up on the elliptical, which is my new favourite form of cardio at the gym. It’s tiring but easier on the joints and I think I actually burn more calories with a 35 minute workout.

So why wasn’t my weight still dropping. The fact of the matter is, by lifting weights five days a week I was adding muscle which weighs as much or more than fat. Building muscle burns fat as well. So even though my weight was maintaining at a steady number, my body was still making positive changes.
My waist, thighs, wrists, arms, neck, legs and butt among other fatty areas were still shrinking and in fact are still shrinking. My weight hadn’t changed a bit but my body shape is still transforming and improving. My new jeans I got for Christmas are already getting loose on me. My boxers that used to be really snug are fitting much better. The 2X T-shirts I bought that were a tad snug around the belly are now loose and hanging much better now. 
Lifting weights, building muscle and toning the body is just as important as a healthy diet. It took me some time to learn this but now I can’t imagine not lifting weights at least a few times during the week. I’ll slow down a bit in the summer months just because I’m more active then but during the colder seasons and currently I find myself at the gym working with weights a minimum of five days a week.

I still step on the scale and get a little disappointed when I don’t see my numbers dropping, mainly because I set a goal for myself when I started this journey and want to reach that number. But I’m trying to change my mindset to not focus on the weight but rather the results and my appearance.

I'm working at it!

Two people at 250 pounds can look entirely different in their body types. One could be obese with a huge belly and flabby limbs while another will look much thinner and more toned. They weigh the same but their overall health is completely different.

So I’m trying to learn that weight isn’t everything but that won’t stop me from working towards getting to my original goal of 250 pounds. That would mean I’ve dropped the needed 168.8 pounds to attain this goal I set for myself when I started.

And where am I currently in this endeavour? As of today I weigh 258.2 pounds for a total of 160.6 pounds lost. This leaves me a total of 8.2 pounds away from my goal which in all honesty, I doubted I’d ever have a hope in hell of reaching. But now even this king of all pessimists has to admit it can be done.

Mission Accomplished

Who would have guessed at the start of the year that the feel good story of 2010 would come from a disaster over 2000 feet underneath a Chilean desert?

Yet here we are celebrating the human spirit as 33 courageous men battled everything from despair, starvation and darkness for 69+ days to not only survive but prove to the rest of mankind that miracles and good things can still happen.

The entire world watched and prayed from the moment a hand written note was pulled from the depths of our planet until the final miner took his first breath of freedom. This was truly one of those moments where everyone had to feel relief and elation with the outcome.

This incident could have ended badly as most of this type do but in a world where greed, power, politics, evil and petty interests are broadcast every day on the nightly news, wasn’t it great to witness something positive for a change?

No doubt the ordeal these miners faced from the moment the collapse happened and the dust settled three hours later to reveal their helpless situation until they found freedom was unimaginable. What a hopeless feeling they must have felt those early days. The physical and mental conditions were a test of their character.

The rescue itself was no small feat either and the crews who found them and ultimately saved them are all heroes. With so many things that could have gone wrong, they made all of the right moves to ensure that an already ugly situation didn’t get worse.

I couldn’t understand a word the miners or their families said when they were reunited but you didn’t need an interpreter to see the happiness, relief and love on their faces and in the tears they shed.

I have no doubt that before too long we’ll see this story being told on the big screen and in theatres around the world. But for those close to the story and the rest of us who watched the events unfold on TV, there was no emotional soundtrack or big name stars to keep us on the edges of our seats. This was a real, suspenseful human drama with a happy ending, just as everyone had hoped. And they all lived happily ever after.