Topless Security System

Growing up in almost any community you likely had some older lady in your neighbourhood that you avoided because she scared the bajeezus out of you. You know… the not so attractive woman in the old house at the end of the street or on the hill that you knew had to be a witch.

Of course as you got older you eventually realized she was harmless, or in my case, you found out she liked to be visited by strange men at all hours for “company”.

Often times she turned out to be a perfectly nice person who just didn’t like being bothered by kids irritating her. She frowned on having children trampling her flowers or yard while retrieving errant Frisbees, baseballs or soccer balls. Let’s face it, as kids we weren’t exactly keenly aware of flowerbeds and the like.

But our mischievous behaviour usually only resulted in a verbal scolding, phone call to our mothers or the odd soup can projectile targeting our heads.

In the year 2010, it would appear the tactics of the older generation are changing in regards to annoyances of the youthful kind. Take for example Marika De Florio near Kingston, Ontario who has been bothered for some time by a 6-year-old boy.

As I understand it, the young lad has an infatuation for riding ATV’s and his usual route in this rural community takes him past the De Florio home. Now anyone could deal with the youngster riding this motorized vehicle 100 feet away from your front door a few times a day but according to De Florio, the child rides “around and around the house for seven to 10 hours on a Sunday and four to five hours on a Saturday.”

This boy really loves his all terrain vehicle!

Nothing seemed to stop this incessant annoyance so finally De Florio took, what I can only assume, were drastic measures. She decided to go topless in front of the child. That’s right, the shirt came off, the bra snapped open and out they popped… and dropped, I imagine. This prompted the boy’s grandparents to grab him and swiftly shelter him from this new form of topless double-barrelled security.

While not a conventional deterrent, it seemed to get the job done, plus her tan is more even now. It should be noted that it is perfectly legal for Ms. De Florio to go topless in Ontario as women have that right in the Province…and I for one support it. Of course in my opinion there's "good topless" and "bad topless." I'm speculating that she would fall into the second category.

The parents of the boy still hope for peace with their not so shy neighbour and have taken steps to improve relations by limiting the kid to riding 15 minutes at a time and away from the De Florio property. This isn’t totally acceptable to De Florio who says she “doesn’t want (the boy) to be on the ATV when I am home.”

It would seem this story might not be over just yet and we can only assume the breasts will continue to swing freely in the breeze until a solution can be found and the situation perks up.