Sorry We Suck

If I were a Toronto Maple Leafs fan I would be embarrassed. Not by the pitiful results the team has posted 8 years in a row (45 years since the last championship), or the way they constantly collapse down the stretch year after year or by their inconsistent goaltending, defense or lack of depth up front, but by the way the Leafs management and ownership thinks an apology makes up for their ineptitude.

It’s baffling to me how a once proud and powerful National Hockey League franchise can fall into such disrepair and disarray. It’s even more perplexing how Larry Tannenbaum and his rich and powerful senior staff can arrive at the idea that an apology in the local media will smooth things over.

Of course, I’m not even remotely a Toronto fan. I’m as far from it as is humanly possible. I’m a die-hard, red, white and blue, poutine eating, “ole ole” and “nah nah hey hey” singing Montreal Canadiens fan. But that doesn’t mean I can’t sympathize with Leafs fans, several of which I consider good friends.

I just sat through one of the worst seasons in Montreal history with management issues, coaching issues, player issues and poor results on the ice. As bad as it was, I’d still take the Habs over the Leafs any day. Montreal is trying to make moves to solve the problems of missing only one year of the playoffs. The GM is gone, the coach was fired mid-season and the interim coach will likely be let go as well. Add to that an assurance from the ownership that they’re committed to restoring the storied franchise to its rightful place among the league’s elite teams and I’m satisfied that they’re making an effort at least. I just hope it leads to results.

But what are they doing in Toronto? Yes they fired the coach and as much as I dislike Ron Wilson, the mess they’re in was hardly his fault. The Leafs this season were great guys but aside from maybe a handful of players, the rest were not skilled enough to succeed on a consistent basis. Sure they had good nights but those games were few and far between.

So who’s to blame? Is it bad scouting and drafting? Is GM Brian Burke, the architect of the team to blame? I don’t claim to be an expert but I think these are the two main issues with the Leafs.

Brian Burke

I am amazed that Brian Burke still has a key to the Air Canada Centre. The ultimate blame has to fall on him. This is his team and while they haven’t drafted well, with the amount of money behind this team, it amazes me that they can’t draw more skilled free agents or make trades to improve their situation. Let’s be honest, the deal for Phil Kessel looked bad when Burke made it and it looks even worse today. The picks they lost in that one deal were huge. I’m not saying Kessel isn’t a skilled player but he’s not worth the price they paid for him. But that’s old news and what’s done is done.

Toronto has to move on and right the ship before their fans finally come to their senses and revolt.  Its one thing to go to the games and “boo” the players but it’s another thing entirely to stop buying tickets, merchandise and lining the pockets of the owners Bell and Rogers who were smart for buying this franchise. They knew that no matter how much they sucked or how little they had to spend on the team, the cash was going to keep flowing in just as much as it would if they had a Stanley Cup contender.

At what point will the fans finally stop saying, “I support my team in good times and bad”? I appreciate the value of loyalty and not wanting to abandon your team but at some point you have to ask yourself, what are they doing to warrant my support and money? The relationship between the fan and the team is “give and take” and with Toronto the fans are giving everything and the Leafs ownership is gladly taking every dollar they can.

Obviously at this point the Leafs faithful are in it for the long haul or they would have done something besides bitch and moan by now. It would seem that they’re quite prepared to continue bending over and taking it from their beloved blue and white- jerseyed heroes. One thing is certain, unlike a lot of other fans in the league, Toronto supporters will be satisfied with one day making the Playoffs; while those other team’s fans expect and demand nothing less than a chance to celebrate with Lord Stanley’s Cup.

1967 Stanley Cup Champions

 

Leaf Fans Annoy Me

I have many friends who are Toronto Maple Leaf hockey fans and despite that, I will still talk to them.

Of course I'm kidding. I don't have a problem with most of them but I find that a lot of them like to talk trash about other teams...especially the Montreal Canadiens and the Ottawa Senators.

It doesn't surprise me that they dislike those teams since they're in the same division and have big rivalries. What shocks me is how cocky Leaf fans are when you consider how unimpressive their team has been since...well, since before I was born.

In fact, the last time the Leafs won the Stanley Cup was in 1967...one year before I came along. They don't even have colour photos or video of them winning their last cup, that's how long ago it was.

OK, it's too easy to pick on Leaf fans and their teams impressive record of futility. If they keep on the same losing track, they could eventually surpass the 100 year title drought of the Chicago Cubs in baseball.

What annoys me the most are the idiotic Maple Leaf fans who have the audacity to try and make fun of fans of other teams. It's one thing to be a winner and rub it in but how can you possibly make fun of other fans when your team hasn't done anything good in 42 years?

I'd be embarrased to continue supporting a team with owners who have made it quite obvious they'd rather collect the endless supply of money from their dumb fans then make an effort to actually win. Heck...forget winning, how about they just try and get enough good players to make the playoffs once in a while.

Say what you want about Montreal fans but their owners, management and players know that they better produce or they'll feel their wrath. They demand a winning team and they usually get one. Sure they haven't won a cup since 1993 but they usually make the playoffs.

Actually, I have colour photos of the Habs hoisting the cup. How many Leaf fans can say that. I've seen the Habs win nine Stanley Cups and that's not including the one they took home the year I was born.

So my advice to Leaf fans is shut the hell up! Until you actually win something or make the playoffs you have no reason to feel cocky enough to beak off. The good news is the season will be starting soon and after a few games, Leaf fans will once again be able to start talking about next season.

Eight Sportscasters That Suck

As I was sitting in front of the TV tonight watching another hockey game, the colour announcer irritated the hell out of me and since I don't have much hair to pull out, I was forced to lob obscenities at him instead.

This got me to thinking about how often I do this while watching sports. I know it's not an easy job since I've actually been in their shoes doing the play-by-play for junior hockey games and the odd baseball game. On radio it's actually a little tougher since there's no video to watch during the quiet times so you have to fill the time with talk.

There are some broadcasters who just plain annoy me and some who are former athletes with no broadcasting experience and it shows.

Of course there are a few that will be left off my list that would likely make your list. The first one that comes to mind is Don Cherry. I love Grapes! Does he make sense all the time? No. Does he talk about Bobby Orr a tad too much? Yes. Does he entertain me and at the same time remind me of why I'm proud to be Canadian? Absolutely! Cherry may get on your nerves and his schtick might be a bit old but he speaks his mind and doesn't care what others think and I can respect that. He is the only reason why I'll sit through the first period of another bloody awful Leaf game just so I can hear what he has to say on "Coach's Corner". As for Ron McLean, I think he does an excellent job as well despite the fact his puns get a little tiresome after a while.

Now on to my personal list of the Worst Sportscasters. Some I'll go into detail about while others suck so badly that you probably already know why I've chosen them.

8. Cassie Campbell (CBC / HNIC)
Here's a case where a former athlete is given a job because she's easy on the eyes and is well known in Canada. Cassie was the captain of Canada's Women's Hockey Team and has won many championships. I can respect that and was happy to cheer her on at the time, but I cringe every time I see her do an interview or talk hockey strategy. Perhaps I'm just sexist (I doubt it) when it comes to women sportscasters but I think it's more than that...she just stinks as a broadcaster.

7. Rod Black (CTV Sports)
Here's a guy who really knows how to take all of the wind out of our sails with his monotone voice and lack of enthusiasm. Actually, I give the folks at CTV credit for having him broadcast the sports that are perfect him...Golf and Baseball. You can't get much more boring than those sports on TV. The only thing that makes listening to Rod even worse is his skill in over-stating the obvious. How about this insight, "The Jays really want to win today". Boy, that is some scintillating commentary.

6. John Madden (Football)
This one actually hurts because I like Madden but he has steadily gotten worse over the years. He used to be kinda funny as well but his insight and humour have both been sacked. Perhaps he's just changed his style of broadcasting. He certainly isn't annoying to listen to, I just don't think he has much to say anymore. Not much insight in any of the games I watch and he sounds like he's become lazy in his pre-game prep. On the bright side, I still like his Football game on Xbox.

5. Tim McCarver (Fox Sports / Baseball)
I almost dread the baseball playoffs every season because I know we'll be stuck listening to this guy. McCarver has been around for a long time and for the life of me I can't understand why. There's nothing he can't explain (even if he's wrong) and there aren't many who can do it as loudly as he can. I recall one playoff when he picked on Deion Sanders constantly. In the clubhouse after the Braves had won Sanders dumped a cooler of ice water on McCarver's head. Not the nicest thing to do but he kind of had it coming.

4. Joe Buck (Fox Sports / Baseball)
I can't mention Tim McCarver without talking about Joe Buck. Here is yet another high profile sportscaster with very little ability to entertain a baseball audience. I'm quite sure he's a St. Louis fan since he seems to belittle every team except the Cardinals. He actually gives Bob Costas a run for his money when it comes to being and sounding arrogant. The only thing that makes Buck even more annoying is the fact that he also covers the NFL as well. Yikes!

3. Bob Cole (CBC / HNIC)
Oh Bob...it's time for you to hang them up my friend. There was a time when I would have ranked Mr. Cole as one of my favourite hockey broadcasters but those days are long gone now. Forgetting the fact for the moment that he's obviously a Maple Leaf fan and likely wears his blue and white boxers to every broadcast, he's just slowing down. He can't keep up with the play anymore or identify the players on the ice as well as he used to. I think the new rule changes have affected him more than the players as the speed of the game is just to much for him to keep up with. Despite all of this I will say he has announced some of my favourite moments...Canada's win over the U.S. at the Olympics in 2002 and who can forget him saying "They're going home! They're going home!" in 1976 when the Soviets left the ice in the first period of their game with the Philadelphia Flyers.

2. Bob Costas (TV and Radio)
I think late night talk show host Conan O'Brien said it best, ""The first Olympic events start tomorrow and you know what that means, right? Bob Costas has to memorize crap nobody cares about." That pretty much sums it up. I have never liked Costas and his no-it-all mentality. He tries to be funny but it just doesn't work. If he has writers, they need to be fired immediately. Above all else, Costas presents himself as a sports snob. He may be an intellectual but I'd hazard to guess that the majority of sports viewers aren't scholars and his broadcasting style belittles anyone who may not have a college education. I am an educated individual and even I find him to be a little too pompous for his own good.

1. Pierre McGuire (TSN / NBC - Hockey)
OK...I will say right off the top that McGuire knows his hockey and like all of the people I've mentioned above, is probably a decent human being and would be interesting to have a conversation with. However knowing the game doesn't make you a good broadcaster. Of all sportscasters on the air today, he is by far the one who annoys me the most. He is the master of the obvious. He is the reason why God created the mute button on the remote. The problem is, I've gone through five remotes because of him.

He's loud, obnoxious, speaks in run on sentences and did I mention loud? Does anyone else get annoyed when he says, "Monster", "Roof Daddy", "Ka-Bong", "Whammo" and "Hammertime"? The worst one was during the World Junior Hockey Championships when Dion Phaneuf knocked down two players and he called it a "Double Dion". What the hell does that mean? I also think he'd marry Sidney Crosby if the opportunity presented itself.

If he just toned down his enthusiasm, annoying catch-phrases and stopped announcing his love for the same few players over and over again, he'd almost be tolerable. Sadly if TSN has held on to him this long, he'll likely be around for a long time to come. That's good news for Walmart as I'll be back there often to get another new remote.

I think this is an excellent example of how we can shut McGuire up. If only we could get the NHL players to do this all the time.

Here's just another brief sample of McGuire being....McGuire.