Diving Into The World Cup

It never ceases to astonish me how popular Soccer (Football for you European types) is around the world. Even here in Canada people are going crazy insane supporting their teams.

I’ll set my irritation aside (for the most part) regarding “ethnic” Canadians cheering for their home teams. Suffice to say, as far as I’m concerned, if you live in Canada, are a Canadian citizen, work in Canada or have earned the right to enjoy all of the benefits of being a Canadian, then you should only support one team…CANADA! There are no part-time Canadians and you can’t be Canadian only when it suits your needs and purpose.

Of course Canada, being the soccer power that we are, failed to qualify for the 2010 World Cup. But I have no doubt in my mind that if Canada had qualified, all of the Italian, Greek, German, British, Brazilian, Argentinean, etc. Canadians by descent would still be cheering for their former respective countries…and that would have pissed me off beyond words.

In fact, not too long ago a team from another country (lets say Italy) came to Canada to play an exhibition match. I was watching the news and there were Italian Canadians beside themselves with giddiness eager to watch the game. That’s fine; but what really ticked me off was when these “Canadians” were interviewed on the TV news and said, “I’m so excited to watch my country play”. I double checked and nope, Canada wasn’t playing in the game.

These people, living in this great land, don’t even consider this their home country. I say if you’re not 100% Canadian then get the hell out and stop sucking at the Canadian teat.

Perhaps I’m just taking what these people said too literally, but my family has been in Canada for many generations. In fact, I’m having a tough time tracing them all to their origins in Canada for my family tree. I do know that my ancestors came from Scotland and Germany as well. Now Scotland isn’t in the World Cup but Germany is. I’m not cheering for them though as my home is in Canada and that’s who I support no matter what.

Well, I guess I didn’t set my irritation aside on that after all.

Back to the World Cup, even if Canada was involved, I’d only have a tiny bit of interest. I find the sport boring to watch with very little action to keep me entertained. I’m sure the soccer purists would inform me that I just don’t understand the nuances and tactics of the sport and they’re probably correct. Actually, there’s no probably about it, I don’t understand it.

I can appreciate the physical fitness of these athletes and their skills with footwork and using their head to propel the ball but it’s just too damn slow and there’s no “real” body contact. Even if I could get past the sluggish speed and relatively boring passing, I’d still be sickened and turned off by the continuous diving by the players.

Where’s the honour in the game? Where’s the toughness? It’s obvious that skill doesn’t translate into heart and grittiness with these guys. Soccer players make Baseball players look like Ultimate Fighters. Even in the NHL you see the odd dive from time to time which is an embarrassment to the sport but it’s nothing like a soccer game where the slightest physical contact results in one or both players writhing on the field in agony. I don’t know how they summon up the courage to continue playing after such horrific collisions.

Of course I’d never complain without having actually seen a good (or bad) example. I was watching Group W action on Sunday. I guess the “W” stands for wimps. Brazil was playing Ivory Coast. Luckily it was a mismatch so there was actually a bit of scoring (3-1 for Brazil) which made it a tad bit more tolerable.

Kader Keita for the Ivory Coast was lightly jogging toward Brazil’s Kaka. Yes, his name is Kaka and I can’t even tell you if he has a first name or not. Of course, Kaka means “poop” in Canada, but that’s neither here nor there.

Keita ever so slightly made contact with Kaka’s elbow which would have done little to a child let alone a grown man acting like one. Down goes Fraser! I mean, down goes Keita like he’d taken a knockout uppercut to the jaw from Cassius Clay. Of course Kaka’s elbow only made contact with Keita’s chest but he grabbed his face and fell to the ground as though Oswald himself had pulled the trigger.

The official, who had given a yellow card once already to Kaka, was sucked in as you’d expect from a European official (just like hockey). This resulted in his second yellow card which then means an automatic red card and ejection from the game. Wow, look at me describing the rules like I know what I’m talking about.

Anyway, my point is clearly made by this example. Soccer isn’t a man’s game, it’s a boy’s game and it isn’t even much of a game at all in my opinion. Give me hockey, rugby or any other manly sport and leave this soccer nonsense to the people with delicate sensitivities and low pain thresholds to enjoy. Luckily the World Cup of Snoring only lasts a month and the Canadian Football League will be back underway by the time it’s over. Somebody give me a wake up call then.