Dear Lord Baby Jesus

Ricky Bobby made it abundantly clear in the movie Talladega Nights that he prefers to think of Jesus as an infant in the manger when he says Grace at the supper table. Meanwhile, Cal Naughton Jr. liked to "picture Jesus wearing a tuxedo t-shirt because it says I'm formal, but I'm here to party."

While these images and the movie itself were rather hilarious, as it so often happens, what occurs in real life is even more bizarre.

I was just shuffling through the Saturday edition of the Toronto Sun and came across an article with the headline, “Jesus smoothes worries away”. The story enlightened us about a woman in Methuen, Massachusetts who claims her life is going to be good, thanks to the image of Jesus Christ which has appeared on the bottom of her…iron.

At first I thought this poor soul had perhaps sucked in too much steam from the iron through her nasal capacity and it was affecting her mind. I mean, I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt having not met her and assume she’s an educated, intelligent and rational thinking person.

Luckily the article came with photographic evidence and you can clearly see the iron is worn from years of use. I suppose if you were to narrow your eyes you could visualize that the damaged area was shaped similar to the head of a person. But when I do this, I don’t see Jesus. I see a balding man that kind of looks like Benjamin Franklin.

Now, the woman is Catholic and I’m guessing a devout one at that which is fine. It isn’t my religion of choice but unlike other parts of the world, I don’t think it’s worth fighting over. But the fact that she is a religious person; this might be clouding her judgment just a little.

She’s also been going through some rough times and a little divine intervention might help to relieve her stress. I don’t begrudge her of that. But I’ve always found it interesting how people see Jesus in the most amazing places. He can be found on toast, a wall, tree bark and some even claim to have seen him in the smoke and debris while the towers fell on Sept. 11, 2001.

I’m not an expert and I’m not even a total skeptic but I do find it odd that Jesus would communicate with us in these ways. It just seems to me that if the son of God really wanted to let us know that he’s with us and wanted people to see his likeness, he’d leave no doubt.

I know what some of you might be saying…you have to have faith and believe even when there isn’t absolute proof. Perhaps you’re right, but I’m someone who likes to know for sure.

So, I would just like to ask Jesus to do us all a favour and put the rumours to rest. The best way to do it aside from showing up and speaking to me personally would be to book a guest spot on Oprah before she goes off the air in 2011. I guarantee it will be a ratings bonanza.