The Hap Hap Happiest Christmas

Traditionally I suppose Thanksgiving is the time to give thanks and be grateful for what you have but to be honest, this past Thanksgiving I wasn’t feeling particularly happy about what was happening in my life or the life of my family.

This year for the most part had been one hellish roller-coaster ride for me and my family. Perhaps I was just blinded by all the negative things to see the good stuff that happened in 2014 but to be honest, the bad news was so great that I didn’t feel much like smiling or enjoying the good times.

The most important man in my life, my father, has been dealing with a deadly form of cancer since the summer and the prognosis seemed bleak at best. I’m not a doctor but I suppose that’s still the case but luckily there has been some good news just in time for Christmas.

With cancer moving from his only remaining kidney into his lungs, you can imagine it was a very depressing summer and autumn. We did our best to put on a brave face and my father has done an amazing job of remaining positive and was willing to fight this bastard of a disease as best he could.

I’m not an overly religious person so I’m not going to say divine intervention has played a part in the latest results. I truly believe modern medicine has come a long way with advancements to prolong the lives of those stricken with this affliction. It was very welcome news a few weeks ago when my dad visited the doctor at the cancer clinic and was told that there were no new lesions or growth in his lungs and kidney. What was even more amazing was the fact the existing tumors had shrunk “significantly”. We knew full well going into the treatment with these expensive chemo pills that it wasn’t a cure. All we were hoping for was more time with my dad and to give him a chance. It appears as though that will be the case.

With any luck the pills will continue to do their job and keep the cancer in check for a while, thus allowing my father to enjoy more time on this earth and for those of us who love him, more time to irritate and annoy his grumpy ass. Any extra time and every day is a blessing.

On a personal level, the end of 2014 has also brought some unexpected but long sought after love into my life. That’s right, I met someone.

The funny thing is; I’ve known her for well over 30 years. We went to high school together and have always been friends.  Come to find out she actually had a thing for me in high school but as usual I was so oblivious to the signs and just a typical silly school boy that I didn’t even notice. I was too busy playing football and trying to be cool to see her for more than just a great friend and someone to share good times and laughs with.

We kept in touch and for the last three years or so chatted often online. Not surprisingly with my track record, I remained unaware of her feelings for me. I had dated several women this year with no love connection and perhaps with all that was happening with dad my heart really wasn’t into it. And then one day while chatting with her, something finally clicked in me. I realized that this woman and friend would be an amazing person to date and pursue a relationship with. Of course, that all depended on whether or not she still had any interest in me. As it turns out, she was still interested. 

Officially we’ve been dating for three weeks but since we’ve known each other for so long and been talking so much in recent years, it feels as though we’ve been together for much longer. We were able to skip that whole “getting to know each other” phase since we already knew each other so well. It’s safe to say she is my best friend and we get along so well. We are always laughing and having a good time together. We just click and are comfortable with each other. I know my family will grow to love her as much as I do.

So 2014 was bloody awful for the most part but some amazing news and events at the tail end of the year has turned the whole year around. This will truly be the happiest Christmas for me in a very long time.

Online Dating With Bundy

I love women! Seriously, I love everything about them. Okay, there is one thing I don’t love about them and that’s how damn confusing they can be. But maybe that’s just another reason to love them even more because they frustrate me and drive me crazy.

The truth of the matter is this. I haven’t dated much in my life. If I had to guess, the number of real dates I’ve gone on up until this year was probably less than I could count on two hands.  I know the reason for this is pretty simple. When you’re the size of a house, women tend to be less attracted to you. I get that and I was never really bitter about that. I’ve never been in what I would call a real relationship with anyone. It just never happened. Sure I fooled around from time to time but nothing on a commitment level.

Back when I weighed over 400 pounds and I finally decided to make some critical changes to my life, I did it strictly for health reasons. I knew if I didn’t change my eating habits and if I remained stuck in a sedentary lifestyle I was likely sentencing myself to an early death. So the journey to lose weight began and as you probably know, it has been fairly successful to date and my health has improved greatly.

Although it wasn’t my main reason for dropping pounds and getting thinner and healthier, in the back of my mind I thought, “maybe this might also open the door to some romantic possibilities if I become more attractive to women.” It was nice to have women I’ve known for many years tell me how handsome I was or how good I look after lightening my load. It sort of boosted my confidence which in all honesty could use all the boosting it could get. The person I was on the outside that people knew was an act to some extent. When I saw people I was happy, laughing, telling jokes, friendly and putting on a brave face. The real me when I was alone was lonely, depressed, bitter and in need of affection.  Oh sure, the happy version of myself is probably who I am or who I want to be all the time but I spend a lot of time alone which leaves me way too much time to dwell on negative thoughts.

But now I figured I had an opportunity to try and change all of that and seek out the female companionship I’ve always longed for. The only problem was finding a woman. Damn, I was back to square one again. In my mid-40s I wasn’t going to start hanging out at the bar again and I’m certainly not the type to hit on random women at Walmart or on the street. I’ve had friends who would hit on anything with a heartbeat but that’s not who I am. So what were my options?

The truth is there aren’t a lot of options left, other than online dating websites which I’ve never been a fan of. Sure they’re interesting to scan over and see who’s on them but to go beyond that really wasn’t something I thought I could do. However, somewhere in my new found confidence I decided to give it a try.

My website of choice is called Plenty of Fish. It was free and surprisingly there are a lot more local women on the site than I expected. I knew going into the process that the odds of finding a woman without kids and baggage was going to be nearly impossible and I was okay with that.

I like kids so that’s not an issue for me.

I made the conscious decision from the beginning to stick to my beliefs of being honest and sincere. I refused to lie on my profile and I posted photos of myself that were not misleading anyone. I immediately had some messages from women which I must admit shocked me a little.

One woman from my area contacted me and we decided to meet in a public place which I always prefer. I only had a photo of her face and the way she described herself on her profile to go on so when I walked into the coffee shop and found her I was a little surprised by who was looking back at me. Now let me be completely honest and say I don’t have a problem with women of size. If you’re a larger woman and you embrace it and are a wonderful person with a super personality and brain to match, I won’t discriminate because you’re over weight. I’m not exactly tiny and I was a much larger man at one time so I know that people of size can be loving and beautiful people. I do however have an issue with people who lie and deceive. This woman had described herself as being an “average” body type when clearly she weighed closer to what I used to weigh. Had she been honest from the start I might have given her a chance but she already had a major strike against her. We went for a slow walk and talked a bit and after learning more about her it became very clear that this wasn’t a match for me and I let her know this. I also believe that if you don’t feel something it’s best to not lead someone on or go out on more dates which will only make it tougher later to break it off without hurting someone.

I had another woman pursue me who gave me the impression that she really wanted to see if a relationship could work but for one reason or another that ended up being untrue. I’m not looking for a friend only situation. I have plenty of friends. So we parted as friends and I moved on.

Recently I had another woman contact me. We chatted online for about a week before we finally met. We had a great conversation and both of us were genuinely attracted to each other. I have to think in hindsight that things moved way too quickly which could have been a major warning sign that I should have seen. We dated five times in about a week. I’ll spare you the details, although they are pretty juicy, but needless to say it ended almost as quickly as it had started. On the bright side, I did get a couple of nights of adult fun out of it so it wasn’t all bad. I truly believe I was used for sex, and that my friends was a first for this guy.  I will admit that I fell hard and fast for this one and when it ended last weekend I was hurting but it was a good lesson for me and the knowledge I gained will go with me as I move forward.

I was still feeling quite devastated the next morning after things went from feeling amazing to feeling heartbroken in a matter of minutes. But as I was trying to sift through the wreckage I got another message from another woman on POF. Life wasn’t over and there was still hope. This woman is French and lives about an hour away. We decided to meet and go for a walk with her dogs and then we went and sat by the water and talked for a couple of hours on a bench. With there being a bit of a distance between us, there’s no chance of moving too fast with this one and time will tell if anything will come of it or if I’ll continue fishing for someone else. It’s just nice to know that after so many years of swimming in the pond by myself, some other female fish have finally noticed me.

Life Gets In The Way

Summer highlight having the family together in Canada.

 The summer isn’t officially over yet but having moved into September it can definitely be classified as being on life support. This has truly been the summer from hell. Easily one of the hardest summers of my life and that’s saying a lot for me.

Going into the summer I was feeling great. I had lost over 170 pounds, was working out daily, work was going well, family was doing fine and the thought of feeling the heat of the sun on my face again was something I was looking forward to. The only thing that didn’t look promising was my love life which in all honesty hasn’t been much to cheer about for a very long time.

I don’t mind sharing my own personal thoughts and life story with all of you because I like to think I’m a pretty open book. There are some family things that will always remain as private as possible. I try to walk a fine line between being honest and protecting those I love.

The one big reason why I’ve been neglecting my blog this summer revolves around my father who was diagnosed with kidney cancer and not the kind that can be cured. It’s Stage 4 renal cell carcinoma and unfortunately it has moved out of his only remaining kidney and into his lungs.

Quite simply, it devastated us when we learned the news as I’m sure it does for most families. My dad is my best friend and the toughest man I’ve ever known and he’s wearing a brave face through all of this but knowing what he is facing in the months ahead scares me and I’m sure behind his brave face he is also feeling some fear. But I made a decision to spend as much time as I can with him and keep life as normal as possible which I think I’ve been pretty successful at doing.

The support of family and friends has been pretty amazing to see and I know my dad and mom both appreciate the kindness of those who have closed ranks around us at this time.

Of course with all that is happening in my family it has taken up a lot of my free time which I’m perfectly fine with. But my plans to be more active this summer by golfing more and walking and running more has suffered. I haven’t golfed nearly as much this summer as I have in past years and as far as my health goes, the summer has taken a bit of a toll on that as well.

I postponed my gym membership for July and August which means a lot of the progress I had made last winter with my weight lifting and fitness has been lost. I’m still in pretty decent shape but I’ve lost a lot of the muscle tone I had built and I’m sure some of that muscle has also turned into fat again. Thus, my weight has increased some this summer. That’s not to say I’ve ballooned up again but I’d say I gained about 20 pounds at one point.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been trying to ease back into my old routine again and the pounds have started dropping again and I’ve returned to my original goal weight. Come the middle of September my gym membership will kick in and I hope to be back pumping iron and burning more fat.

My love life this summer has been interesting at times. Perhaps I should just dedicate a whole other blog to that subject as it’s kinda interesting how times have changed since I used to date years ago.

So I’m sort of back writing again but as usual I’m sure life will throw me some curveballs and I won’t be able to write as often as I’d like but I’ll do my best.

Where Have You Been?

This is just a quick update to let everyone know that I am still around, however health issues in my family (specifically my father) have taken priority over updating my blog. I hope to find time to get back at it soon. 

My blog isn't the only thing that has taken a back seat. My weight loss has stalled although it remains steady and I'm not gaining weight back at least but my focus has changed to something more important right now. My plan to golf a lot this summer has also gone out the window. I probably should have saved my money and skipped my membership this year but it was already paid for so there's nothing I can do about that now except try to find time when I can.

My family is and always will be my number one priority. I'll try to get back to normal eventually.

Thanks and I hope your year is going well so far.

Thank You But I'm Still Me

My friend Tom in Australia sent me an interesting article the other night about a woman who has lost a lot of weight in a short time without the assistance of any surgery, diet aids or gimmicks. She has simply made the choice to not be obese anymore and has changed her eating habits and lifestyle to help her attain her goals. Does this sound like anyone you might know? No, me silly!

But what was interesting was something I hadn't really considered and that's the reaction of friends, family and old acquaintances who have been kind enough to notice and make mention of my changes.

The intentions are meant well and the feedback has been some serious positive reinforcement but how some comments are received might not be as intended, no matter how sincere the sentiment.

Losing over 177 pounds will obviously be noticed by folks who know you. Sure the fat is vanishing but when it comes right down to it, I'm still the same happy, loving and kind smart-ass I've always been. Yet when people see me for the first time they react as though I'm someone entirely different.

"You must be so happy" is one comment I hear a lot. I suppose it's meant as a compliment but I'm not sure it really is. Are you assuming I wasn't happy before. Many obese or over weight people are unbelievably happy. Losing the weight didn't make me more or less happy but I suppose I'm not bummed out being thinner.

Some people assume I'm sick. Granted, having been a large man my entire life, the shock of seeing me now might cause people to wonder if I have some disease that is eating away at me from the inside. Luckily that isn't the case but thanks for the concern.

It's also interesting how people focus on the actual amount of weight. "How much have you lost now?", is one I hear a lot. I suppose I have myself to blame for that one with my online updates and regular visits to the scale but does it really matter how much? Some people are hung up on weight and don't like to reveal how much they've lost for fear of people knowing where they started. Personally I couldn't care less who knows how much I weighed at my heaviest. Hell, I don't even know for sure. I just know that the last time I was able to get on a scale at a factory capable of reading my weight, I was a svelte 418.8 pounds. But I'm no fool. I know I was heavier than that at one point.

"How did you lose all that weight?" That's one I get more often than you might think. I never volunteer this information unless someone specifically asks me. I would never tell someone that this is what they need to do. But if someone does inquire, I'm more than happy to share my methods with them. Everyone is different and not all plans work the same but it's really no secret. Stop overeating and start exercising. It's not rocket science people. Once you get the weight going in the right direction, just stick with the plan and adjust as you go. I make it sound simple but if it really was, nobody would be obese. You have to change your lifestyle and stick with it. If you fall back into your old habits you've just wasted all that hard work. It's okay to falter but recover quickly and keep moving forward.

When it comes to food, I think a lot of people think I had to starve myself and give up eating everything I like. That couldn't be further from the truth. Sure, I could have gone vegan or paleo or juicing myself to a lighter me. I'm still eating pizza, burgers, fast food and all that stuff I probably shouldn't. The difference is, I don't eat it every day like the old me did. And I don't stuff myself until my sides are about to burst. You can eat what you want, just make sure you don't exceed your daily calorie allowance by too much. Some people will actually say my method isn't right or what they do. Great! Do what you need to do. Obviously my plan has worked for me. I still love food and will never stop eating what I like.

I never started this with the intention of being a role model or inspiration for others. This was a completely selfish endeavour for me. However, despite my original intentions, it has become clear that my transformation struck a chord with many others. Perhaps it was seeing someone who has struggled with their weight their entire life like them or maybe they've added a few pounds recently. If my journey has been a positive influence on others then fantastic. I know I've had role models and inspiration along the way also so every little bit of extra push helps. My only advice, be patient. Don't expect miracles to happen over night. This is something you have to stick with and trust the process, even when it seems like you've reached your limit. Keep working at it and don't ever stop.

Believe me when I say I don't take offense to any of the kudos or comments. Quite the opposite actually. I just found it interesting the reactions of people who have known me all my life. Not everyone of course but some look at me or talk to me as if I'm a completely different person. Anyone that knows me well can tell them, I'm still the same adorable and sexy man I've always been.

High School Track Flashback

On Thursday I had a chance to stop by the COSSA High School Track and Field meet held in Belleville at the Bruce Faulds Track to check out some of the action.

As a former track & field star (mostly in my own mind) I still like to revisit the atmosphere and excitement on the track and transport myself back to a time many moons ago when I was the one feeling nervous before stepping into the shot put or discus circle.

I stuck mainly to field events as a larger lad but truth be told, I was actually pretty quick for my advanced size. In fact, one year I took part in a relay carnival and was part of a relay team comprised solely of field athletes and we took a lot of teams by surprise with our speed and how well we ran. I was always good over short distances.

Kinda like a drag car but without the nitrous.

The rain held off and it was actually quite a nice day for the meet. I think I might have even burnt the top of my bald head a bit.

It's funny watching the kids though and realizing that even though the times have changed, what happens at a meet is still pretty much the same as when I was taking part in the 80's. The camaraderie and support among the athletes is still there.

There were a few subtle differences I noticed, mainly in the attire worn. For one thing, the use of spandex in both leggings and shorts is much more prominent. This obviously provides less wind resistance as you fly around the track. And judging by some of the conversations I overheard by some of the male participants, the girls are catching their eyes as well. Oh sure, they caught our eye back in my day as well but there was certainly a bit more left to the imagination. 

Another thing I noticed was the organization and technology being used. Obviously things are way more advanced some 30 years later and it shows. Three or four people as starters, more volunteers as marshals, people raking pits and measuring. I mean, we had some of that stuff back then but it wasn't to this extent. It was impressive to watch.

And they actually had a camera at the finish line to help determine winners in a close race.

There was no actual tape to break through as you crossed the line like we used to use. I don't know how often the camera was actually needed but it's kinda cool to have that at the officials disposal.

As usual I brought along my camera to try and capture some of the action. I enjoy shooting sports and rarely have any time to do it anymore it seems. So it was nice to put my rusty skills to the test again and I managed to come away with a few good shots and a sunburn so it was a good visit to the track I'd say.

New Expensive Toy for Me

2013 Chrysler 200 Limited

I love buying new things but I hate spending money. Not exactly a winning combination. But sometimes you have to purchase things out of necessity and even though such things will put you on a first name basis with your local bank manager, it has to be done.

Such is the case with my latest expenditure.

My old car which has been easily the best and most reliable vehicle I'd ever owned was getting old and the rust was taking its toll on the underside of my chariot.

Interior with leather seats and steering wheel.

My 2004 Chevy Impala was a great car with minimal headaches and just an amazing engine. I truly hate to see her go to the scrap yard.

But the old gal was starting to get cranky and demanding more monetary attention so it made sense to have her put down and start looking for a new lady to bring into my life.

I wasn't planning to move so quickly but when I saw her it was love at first sight. I'm not one who needs to have a sporty vehicle but I do enjoy comfort to go along with a quality build. Plus even though I despise Ford and will never own another of their products, I wanted to stay away from foreign made vehicles and continue to support North American made products.

The car I became smitten with was the 2013 Chrysler 200 Limited Edition.

Bringing my new car home.

It's a used car but in great shape and only 26-thousand kilometres on it. That's the lowest number of kilometres I've ever had on a new car for me. I've always bought used and see no reason to change that this time.

I won't bore you with the specs of the engine or fuel economy. However when I went in search of my new car, I had a checklist of items that it needed to be equipped with. Among those were remote car starter (because I live in Canada and the winter's are freaking cold), heated seats (for the same reason), Bluetooth audio system (for my phone to connect hands free) and windshield wipers that can be lifted off the windshield during snow and ice storms.

My new car has all of those things. Plus I'm happy to have leather seats again, USB connections, steering wheel controls for voice recognition and using the stereo.

Chrysler 2013 Limited Interior

The V6 engine has plenty of pep as well and the 18 inch wheels are nice although they will be costly to replace. I also like how the chrome handles, side mirrors and grill add to the finished product.

One thing I'm not thrilled about is how my car insurance with State Farm went up significantly. I feel like I'm being completely taken advantage of. So I after being a State Farm customer my entire adult driving life, I will be shopping around for a better deal.

So I'm happy to have a new vehicle to get me around and reliable enough that I can take longer trips again with little worry of breaking down. I didn't just buy a new mode of transportation, I bought renewed peace of mind. Time to go waste more gas!

Pumping It Up

Some time way back when I first made the decision to transform myself from the Pillsbury Doughboy to something a little less soft and fatty, I probably thought about joining a gym. That was back in the beginning and mostly at the back of my mind because at the start of this journey I was strictly focused on shedding pounds and not lifting them.

Last November after I’d dropped over 150 pounds of disgusting fat and was feeling much more energetic I finally decided to join a gym. At the time I was mostly thinking about being able to use the treadmill inside during the cold winter months with maybe some weight training thrown in for good measure. But that quickly changed as I did some research and got a taste for the rush of building muscle.

Cardio was my main activity for weight loss up until this point. Walking outside had helped to transform and shape the new version of me; sort of a “Mark version 4.0” if you will. I will always tell any obese or over weight person looking to start shedding pounds that walking was the key for me.

Taking a break at the gym.

Sure, cutting back on my calorie intake was a big factor as well but I had to burn calories as well and as a big guy I couldn’t run or jog, so I relied on walking...a lot. Almost every day for an entire year I would get out and do some amount of walking. I’d go anywhere from 3km to sometimes as much as 12km in one outing and I truly believe it saved my life.

After doing all that walking I was ready to branch off. I didn’t want to give up the walks all together and I’ve even added some cardio on the elliptical machine now as well. But the next logical step was to add weight lifting to my routine.

Lifting weights burns fat and in many cases you’ll replace a pound of fat with a pound of muscle. The numbers on the scale won’t change which can be frustrating for someone so focussed on dropping the pounds for so long but a pound of muscle takes up less space than the fat. So while you’re weight might not change, you will see changes to your body shape.

Aside from the weight loss and body shrinking, the other obvious benefit of weight lifting is the building of muscle and improvement in strength. I am in the best shape of my life and a lot of that is thanks to grabbing the dumbbells and pumping iron.

People ask me, “What changes have you noticed the most with your weight loss?”

There are too many to mention here but a few obvious changes include the shrinking body, dropping from size 60 pants to size 42 currently. I can actually feel my ribs now. My biceps, shoulders, back, arms, calves, hamstrings and pretty much every other muscle group I lift weights to strengthen have all grown and become much stronger and more noticeable. My aches and pains associated with being obese have all disappeared. They’ve been replaced by pains associated with muscle growth and hard work.

Now, when I go to the gym I see other guys lifting weights and doing exercises that I don’t currently do. I’ve set a routine for myself that gives me a good overall body workout five days a week. I’m not looking to become the Incredible Hulk. I just want to continue to improve my strength, grow muscle and burn fat.

For those who might be interested, this is my weekly routine. I’ll leave the actual weight amounts out but each exercise is done with 3 sets of 10-12 reps.

Monday (Upper Body)

Bicep Curl (Dumbbell), Triceps Extension overhead (Cable), Triceps Push Down (Cable), Side Bends (Dumbbell), Chest Press (Machine), Pull Down (Cable), Arm Front Raise (Dumbbell) and Bent-over Row (Dumbbell)

Tuesday & Thursday (Leg Day)

Leg Press (Machine), Calf Extension (Machine), Leg Curl (Machine), Leg Extension (Machine), Dead Lift (Barbell), Squats (Dumbbell) and Abdominal Crunch (Machine)

Wednesday (Upper Body)

Bicep Curl (Barbell), Lateral Raise (Double Cable), Shoulder Shrug (Dumbbell), Bent-over Row (Barbell), Seated Fly (Machine), Standing Fly (Double Cable) and Rear Delt Pull (Cable)

Friday (Upper Body)

Pull Down Triceps (Cable), Side Bends (Weight Plate), Upright Row (Barbell), Bicep Curl (Dumbbell), Bench Seated Shoulder Press (Dumbbells) and Lateral Raise (Double Cable)

And that’s it. Nothing too fancy or extreme but just enough to work most of the muscle groups I want to improve. I’m sure someone with a lot more experience would look at my routine and probably laugh at it for being so simple or missing something but I’m happy with the results so far. Some exercises I go for maximum reps and others I go for maximum weight to build big muscles. Well, I hope to build a few big muscles.

Now that summer is coming I might have to cut back to 3 days a week so I can golf more and take advantage of the nicer weather while it’s here. But I’ll try and increase my routines to include leg days on those days to make sure I still hit all of the muscle groups I need to each week.

So there you go. That’s what I do at the gym now that I’m moving from simply walking for my exercise to adding strength training. Of course my other favourite activity at the gym is to sneak the odd peek at the pretty ladies but just a peek only. I’m all business don’t you know.

Weight Loss Update: I now weigh 247.3 pounds and have lost a total of 171.5 pounds to date. So I'm still doing something right.

Making Up For Lost Time

Lets have some fun! I have a time machine and I want you to join me on a trip back to the mid-80’s to mid-90’s.

Those were amazing times, I was in my teens and early 20’s. I was graduating high school and going to college. The music of that time has stuck with me and is more or less the soundtrack to my entire life. I was young with no big worries except what time my next football, rugby or baseball game was. I had a core group of close friends who I did everything with. My life revolved around them, from sports, to patties, to camping and lots of drinking and eating.

I would go so far as to say that these were the best years of my life so far. And they were also the most difficult and emotional as well.

During this time I was a big lad who could hit a baseball a ton and could lay the body on opposing players. I was always up for a good time out on the weekends which always started on Wednesday night I think. I loved my friends and would do anything for them. But it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns.

I was pretty sad back then. While I'm not gay I certainly felt like the gay friend at times. At the very least I was the third wheel. I was the guy all the girls could talk to and confide in. I was the guy who could make people laugh and smile. I wasn’t the guy that the girls wanted to date or have a relationship with.

Click to see larger.

It wasn’t because I wouldn’t treat women right. I loved women and would do anything to make them happy. No, it was obviously because I wasn’t a good looking muscular sexy hunk of man meat. I was smart and funny but no matter what a woman tells you, the only thing that really matters is how good you look as a couple and no women wanted to have me on their arm. This isn't about feeling sorry for myself, these are just the facts as I interpreted them then and perhaps even now to some extent.

Now I was able to live with that. It sucked, and still sucks today but I made the most of it and tried my best to find relationships and romance but it just never happened. “I like you as a friend” became the phrase that made my heart bleed over and over again.

Eventually I just kinda gave up. What was the point? No amount of flowers or chocolates or romantic gestures could hide the fact I was over weight and unattractive.

So when I started my weight loss journey my main goal was to get healthy and improve my life expectancy. But I won’t lie. A part of me wants to get thin, muscular and in shape to not only improve my chances at finding that which has eluded me all these years but to maybe have those girls who shunned my romantic advances all those years ago look at me and think, “gee, had he looked like that back then, I might have dated him.”

Of course I’m still not where I want to be or need to be but it is nice to get noticed now for being thinner and healthier rather than people pointing and laughing at the big fat obese mess I used to be. Every day I go out I seem to run into someone who can’t believe how much I’ve changed my appearance and it sure is nice to hear. Maybe I’m being a little vain but that’s one thing I’ve never been before.

As far as the ladies go, I’ve actually been on a couple of dates recently. All very nice ladies and it’s fun to feel like someone might actually be attracted to me. I feel like a teenager again. I guess that’s because most teens go through this at that age and here I am well past my teens feeling things I’d never felt before and it’s kinda nice for a change.

As for my progress, I’m happy to report that my new low weight is 248.8 pounds which means I’ve lost a total of 170 pounds so far. It fluctuates daily but it I keep it within a few pounds and get it back down. And the other new milestone of sorts, I tried on a pair of size 40 waist jeans the other day and actually got them done up. They're still a little snug but that wasn't going to happen when I was wearing size 60 waist jeans. So my weight isn't changing much but my body is still making gains.

Miracles Do Happen

When I think back to the day I made the choice to lose weight, it amazes me that I've stayed true to the plan over a year later.

Like so many other times in the past, when I made the decision to make it really happen this time after failing countless times in the past, in the back of my mind I was thinking, "you're probably going to fail again like all the times before." But surprisingly that isn't the case.

Yesterday, after beginning this journey in October of 2012 halfheartedly and then with more serious desire in March of 2013, I finally reached my original weight loss goal. As many of you know who have been following my efforts, I started at a maximum weight of 418.8 pounds and I set a goal of 250 pounds. In actual fact I weighed much more than 418 at one point but didn't have a true weight measurement to go on until I weighed in at 418.8. Yesterday when I stepped on the scale I was thrilled to read the numbers that showed up. I was past my goal and weighed 249.3 pounds. I've officially lost 169.5 pounds to date.

As you might imagine it was a rather emotional moment for me.

Click image to see larger

I didn't cry or anything but the sense of accomplishment and pride I felt was beyond words.

If you were to ask me what was different this time after failing so many times before, I don't know if I could say for certain what changed. Where did this new found willpower and fear of failure come from? How did I commit to eating less and changing my eating habits? Where did the energy come from to start walking every day which eventually turned me into a gym rat spending five days a week on the elliptical, treadmill and lifting weights?

Beats the hell out of me.

Obviously the diagnosis of being a diabetic was a huge motivating factor. Seeing changes in my body that were indicators of a potential deadly outcome in the not too distant future was motivating. Getting winded while struggling to get out of bed, get dressed or climb stairs was motivating. The thought of being bed-ridden, wheelchair bound or attending my own funeral before I turned 50 was motivating.

Just one of those things should have been motivating enough but to combine them all and finally have the light bulb go off in my brain and realize that I'm not ready to die probably got things going in a a positive direction for the first time in my life.

And now that I've actually reached the goal I set for myself I can take a moment to look back. But only a moment because I want to forget that version of me ever existed. Well, I don't want to forget entirely because I need to remember where I came from to recognize the signs that I'm not being as healthy as I need to be and to prevent it from ever happening again.

I've yet to set a new goal for myself because I don't really know what would be realistic.

I've been toying with the idea of setting the new goal for 218.8 pounds. If I succeed in reaching that goal I would have lost a total of 200 pounds.

I'm not sure it's possible though. And then there's the debate over what to do about any excess skin I have left behind. Forty plus years of being obese and then losing a lot of weight leaves behind some unsightly skin. I'd rather have that then the weight but it's still not pretty to look at...not that anyone sees me naked. But I have to look in the mirror so it might be something I can discuss with my doctor down the road. For now, I'm not planning on wearing a Speedo on the beach or being on the cover of GQ or Muscle and Fitness, so I can live with it.

Not long into this weight loss journey I wondered what I might do to celebrate or mark the occasion if I reached my goal. I don't have any tattoos on my body and I've never really had any desire to get one, mainly because I could never think of anything I wanted bad enough to have it permanently inked into my skin. I'm still open to the idea but don't have a clue what I'd get or where I'd put it. The thought of it is kinda neat and I know that it would mean something special as it would mark a significant achievement in my life. I'm open to suggestions if anyone wants to provide any.

So I'm going to enjoy this moment for a bit while continuing to watch what I eat and work out. Soon I'll be golfing again and will be back to walking the golf course and climbing the hills which is always some good exercise, even if my game is complete crap. It's all about the greater good though.

Naked Jog Approaching

Way back when I started my weight loss journey at nearly 420 pounds, I jokingly passed the comment that if I reach my goal weight of 250 pounds I’d jog naked up the street. At the time knowing how many times I’d failed to stick to past diets and my history of valuing fatty foods over a healthier and trimmer body, there was no way I honestly expected to ever come close to reaching that goal. Therefore, I had no fear of ever having to strip off my clothes and take a quick run.

I’m reminded of one night in September at a Men’s League Golf Party when after our round we were sitting in the clubhouse eating our meal and drinking our free booze watching the World Hockey Championships. Canada was losing late in the game and one of the guys, clearly having had too many wobbly pops, made the bold statement, “if Canada wins this game I’ll streak naked up the number one fairway.” No sooner had Canada come from behind and won the game, he was up and out the door tearing off his clothes as he went and sure enough he was streaking up the fairway as promised. It’s an image I can’t erase from my mind.

So back to my dilemma; as of today, my current weight is 253.6 pounds. Yup, you guessed it, I’m just 3.6 pounds from reaching that lofty goal I set for myself a little over a year ago and have lost a total of 165.2 pounds. Now I realize I’m not compelled to do anything I’m not comfortable with. And I can guarantee I would never do it when there are children around.

If I do finally reach my goal I’ll decide then if I’ll do it. I never said at what time of day it would happen but should I find the courage to get naked and take a stroll in my birthday suit to celebrate the accomplishment, I’m pretty sure it would happen after dark late at night.

So then people will question whether I actually did it or not. If It does come to pass that I find some hidden courage to put myself out there like never before, I’ll be sure to video it and take photos which I will carefully edit for public consumption.

But of course, regardless of what actually happens and whether I really go through with it, the feeling of accomplishment and knowing that I successfully attained my goal will be reward enough for me. I can’t speak to how the ladies will feel.

Toronto Is A Mess

Before you read any further, keep in mind that I haven't been in downtown Toronto for many years and I fully expected there to be changes. I don't mind change but the inconveniences that go along with those changes can be quite a hurdle for some people.

Yonge-Dundas Square

I actually love Toronto. More so in the summer than the winter but overall I think it's an amazing city full of interesting things to do and a wide variety of people both sane and off the wall.

This past Saturday I had tickets to the Toronto Maple Leafs game. They were playing my favourite team the Montreal Canadiens and I was looking forward to attending the game with my 75 year old father who is a life long Habs fan as well.

We decided that since we hadn't been to Toronto in a bunch of years that we'd go up early, catch the GO Train in Oshawa and take it to Union Station and then go from there.

First off, I have to wonder how many people get to ride the GO Train for free. Me being an honest person, I entered the Oshawa station and forked over the money for my Adult ticket and my fathers Senior ticket which were both Day Passes so we could catch the return train after the game. At no point on either trip did anyone ask to see our tickets. I could have just as easily, and I'm sure many do, walked through the station and just hopped on the train. When the game was over we did the exact same thing walking up to track level and boarding the train for the ride home. I could have saved myself $30.

Dad in the Eaton Centre

That's a minor thing. However, upon arriving at Union Station we were greeted by some bad news. The Subway wasn't working. Judging by the extreme construction going on outside the station on Front Street, I can only assume that was the reason for it. We had planned to jump on the Subway for the short ride up to the Eaton Centre.

It really isn't too far up Yonge Street to Queen Street where you can enter the Eaton Centre from the South entrance. Just a few blocks, but for a 75 year old man who isn't overly active, that's a good hike uphill. We could have jumped on a bus but to be honest, I don't have a bloody clue what bus to take so it seemed a safer bet to just hoof it.

By the time we got there my father was beat. He was shaking from the cold and exhausted from the hike. It took him quite a while to stop shaking but he was days before he had recovered from the walk up and back.

Now after resting and doing a bit more walking at the Eaton Centre we decided the best bet to keep my dad warm was to take the PATH back to Union Station and the Air Canada Centre for the game. I'd never walked the PATH before but it's underground out of the cold and wind so it made sense. It was actually quite a nice walk but all of the restaurants and stores were closed which I thought was odd for a city of this size.

Dad and Me waiting for the game to start at the ACC

My biggest complaint about the PATH was the fact the public washrooms were locked. Every washroom we came across was locked and the further we went the worse we needed one. I finally asked a security guard where I could find an open bathroom. He pointed us south to another closed food court area where we did locate a place to relieve ourselves. I'm sure we couldn't have been the only people cursing the city that day and I know for a fact my father wasn't the only senior citizen down there where bathrooms would be a welcome sight.

Despite the transit mess and washrooms like Fort Knox, we did get back to Union Station. Dad was exhausted and I was tempted to just get back on the train and head home without going to the hockey game but the stubborn old fool wanted to wait to see if he felt better.

Montreal playing Toronto. The Habs won of course!

Well, he eventually did, or at least he said he did and we made it to the game. But not before the poor guy had to walk to the South side of the ACC to Gate 4. I thought I was going to have to get him a wheel chair or carry him after the game to get him home. Once the game ended we made the long walk back to Union Station and on to the GO Train for the ride back to Oshawa. The train was full and after a few stops a seat opened up and dad was able to sit down and rest. I knew he was tired when he handed me the keys to drive his truck home.

I hope to visit Toronto again in the near future to do some shopping but I hope if I do go in the summer, the city is more accessible. I realize that upgrading the cities infrastructure must be done and they try to do it with as little frustration to the public as possible but for some it's just unavoidable. While it isn't an issue for me, there are thousands of other tourists who will rely on the services that weren't available to us on this particular visit.

Wild Winter Needs To End

What a crazy winter this has been and as of today there really doesn't appear to be any end in sight to the madness.

Normally I can handle the snow but the cold weather is what usually bothers me. This year however we've seen higher snowfall amounts combined with the frigid temperatures and I'm nearing my breaking point. The thoughts of going "Postal" are creeping in. Okay, not really but I've had enough of it.

I've lost count the number of times I've had to shovel the driveway or use the snow-blower since November. I've had to replace one rear window in my car that blew out one night the mercury dipped to minus 30 and I picked a good time in my life to start lifting weights because it came in handy when I spent three straight days chipping four and five inches of ice out of the driveway and the walkway.

I'm not a skier and I don't own a snowmobile. I don't like ice fishing and while I'm sure those who do enjoy these activities have had a wonderful winter season, I truly hope their fun is about to end.

The only interesting thing that has come from all of this cold weather is the ice formations on Lake Ontario. The Great Lakes have seen nearly all of their surface area covered in ice this winter which hasn't happened in a very long time.

At Presqu'ile the waves combined with the cold have created some impressive ice volcanoes and formations that are really quite something to see. In recent years on my visits to the park there wasn't much ice at all but this year really made up for it.

I'm not one to venture out on to the ice because I just don't trust what's happening underneath it but even from the shoreline I was able to get a few photos of life in the winter at the park. But I won't lie, the green grass and leaves on the trees can't come soon enough for me.
 

Weight Isn't Everything

As I continue to work towards improving my health I’ve been learning a few things along the way. Probably the most important thing I’ve learned is to not focus on the results when I step on the scale.

I think for those of us in my generation and older, we focus too much on weight and dropping those numbers. That isn’t to say that losing weight isn’t a big deal. In fact it’s a huge deal for many people suffering from obesity. But there’s more to achieving a healthier lifestyle than dropping pounds.

When I started on this road to increase my chances of living a longer life I was solely focused on the numbers that I saw when I stepped on my scale. My success or failure was based on seeing those numbers drop. The more the number decreased the happier I was and the more successful I felt about what I was trying to do.

There isn’t anything wrong with that…up to a point. Once I stopped just reducing my calories and walking and began making regular visits to the gym to lift weights and build muscle, my weight loss stalled. What the heck was happening?

I was still eating as I’d planned and I was exercising by walking, jogging on the treadmill and had recently started burning more calories by getting my heart rate up on the elliptical, which is my new favourite form of cardio at the gym. It’s tiring but easier on the joints and I think I actually burn more calories with a 35 minute workout.

So why wasn’t my weight still dropping. The fact of the matter is, by lifting weights five days a week I was adding muscle which weighs as much or more than fat. Building muscle burns fat as well. So even though my weight was maintaining at a steady number, my body was still making positive changes.
My waist, thighs, wrists, arms, neck, legs and butt among other fatty areas were still shrinking and in fact are still shrinking. My weight hadn’t changed a bit but my body shape is still transforming and improving. My new jeans I got for Christmas are already getting loose on me. My boxers that used to be really snug are fitting much better. The 2X T-shirts I bought that were a tad snug around the belly are now loose and hanging much better now. 
Lifting weights, building muscle and toning the body is just as important as a healthy diet. It took me some time to learn this but now I can’t imagine not lifting weights at least a few times during the week. I’ll slow down a bit in the summer months just because I’m more active then but during the colder seasons and currently I find myself at the gym working with weights a minimum of five days a week.

I still step on the scale and get a little disappointed when I don’t see my numbers dropping, mainly because I set a goal for myself when I started this journey and want to reach that number. But I’m trying to change my mindset to not focus on the weight but rather the results and my appearance.

I'm working at it!

Two people at 250 pounds can look entirely different in their body types. One could be obese with a huge belly and flabby limbs while another will look much thinner and more toned. They weigh the same but their overall health is completely different.

So I’m trying to learn that weight isn’t everything but that won’t stop me from working towards getting to my original goal of 250 pounds. That would mean I’ve dropped the needed 168.8 pounds to attain this goal I set for myself when I started.

And where am I currently in this endeavour? As of today I weigh 258.2 pounds for a total of 160.6 pounds lost. This leaves me a total of 8.2 pounds away from my goal which in all honesty, I doubted I’d ever have a hope in hell of reaching. But now even this king of all pessimists has to admit it can be done.

A Year Already! Well, Almost.

Although my weight loss journey really kinda sorta maybe began in the Fall of 2012, the real work began nearly one year ago and it still seems like a dream to me that this is really happening.

It was March 2013 when I was officially diagnosed with Diabetes and placed on oral medication to help bring my blood sugars under control. That’s not to say they were completely insane but certainly elevated and worthy of concern. My doctor at the time had me on a couple of different pills to quickly bring my numbers down. I was posting readings of 14 to 16 mmol/L which is a far cry from the range of 4.5 to 6.0 readings I’m getting now. My usual readings are right around 5.1 mmol/L which I’m very happy with.

My doctor eventually was pleased with my weight loss and reduced my daily pill intake which made me happy. I want to avoid insulin if possible just because to me that seems like a warning sign that things aren’t getting better. That’s my uneducated diagnosis any way.

But it was right after my doctor gave me the bad news that the alarms went off in my head. It was time to stop being such a wimp, grow some balls and get serious about changing and improving my life.You might think that going from eating whatever and whenever I wanted to counting calories and downsizing my portions would be a tough thing to do. Let me tell you, you’re right!

I love food. And not the leafy green, low calorie stuff. I like fried foods, fast food, greasy food, bread, butter…basically anything you can think of that isn’t considered healthy, that’s what I liked to eat. I’ve never sat down and calculated what a typical day of calories would have been for the old me when I didn’t try to keep an eye on things but I can imagine I was pushing anywhere from 5000 to 7000 calories in a day without trying. Now I shoot for around 1800 calories a day…give or take.

But it wasn’t just the calories that were an issue. After spending my youth, teens and 20’s being pretty active, that all changed and I found myself spending more time in front of the computer or the TV. I stopped being active and if you’re not doing anything to burn the calories, well, the resulting obese mess I became spoke volumes.

Yes, its been nearly a year since I finally got a clue and decided to get healthy. That isn’t to say I was then or am now expecting to become a GQ model and have six pack abs and a rock hard body. Come on! I’m not living in a fantasy world. After decades of abusing myself, I knew the best case scenario was likely going to be getting into the mid-200’s if I was lucky. I’d still have a flabby stomach and thighs but dropping my weight from 420 pounds to that would be a huge game changer.

So here I am today, 11 months into my determined effort to shape a new and improved version of myself and I think I’ve done a pretty decent job so far.

My current weight sits around 261 pounds. Now it would likely be even lower than that but I’m doing a fair bet of weight lifting and building muscle which adds weight. So I’m happy to break even there. If I’m adding muscle and my weight isn’t going up, then I must still be burning fat. Truth is, I know I am. I can still see my waistline shrinking as I can nearly get into another smaller pair of jeans. Even my watch and my Fitbit bracelet on my wrists can be done up to a tighter spot now. The separation between my thighs continues to grow. Truth be told, I just wish my ass looked better. I wish I had an ass!

I never thought I’d be a gym guy but I really like going. I try to work out five days a week using the treadmill and elliptical machines for cardio and of course the weights for muscle building. I don’t have any work out buddies and stick mainly to myself which is kind of boring but at the same time I can focus on what I’m doing and get the job done without distractions. People at the gym seem friendly although most seem to keep to themselves. We do a lot of head nodding and smiles as greetings. Not a lot of talking. Of course most people wear headphones to listen to music while working up a sweat. I’m no different but will gladly turn the tunes off if anyone wants to chit chat. I can think of a few ladies worth taking the time to converse with.

Golden Boys Again

Canada - 2014 Olympic Gold Medallists

 I love the Olympic games both Summer and Winter. For two weeks I'm glued to the television watching and cheering our Canadian athletes as they do their best to win a medal and represent the country on the world stage.

The past two weeks with the Winter games in Sochi, Russia were no different. It didn't matter whether it was the traditional events like Speed Skating or newer events like Snowboard Cross, I was hoping for the best for our men and women wearing the Maple Leaf.

But I can't lie, my main focus, was hockey. Like nearly the entire country I was glued to my seat watching both the Ladies team and the Men's team try to repeat as Gold Medal Olympic Champions. And I'm proud to say they were both successful.

The women played probably the most exciting game of the entire Olympics with a thrilling come from behind overtime win against the United States. I admit, I was just about ready to head out the door when the girls began mounting their unbelievable comeback and was glad I stuck around to witness the outcome. I've never been a big fan of women's hockey but even I was moved to tears by what transpired that day.

When it came to the Canadian men, I won't say I had my doubts about their talent but they did appear to be struggling somewhat right up until the semi-final against the U.S. and the Final against Sweden. That quickly changed as the team turned back to back clinics in how to shutdown their opponents. From the unbeatable play of goalie Carey Price to the rest of the roster, to a man they played flawless hockey and proved to the world once again that Canada is Hockey. We lay claim to the game for good reason.

While Norway lives and breathes Cross-Country Skiing and the Netherlands dominates Speed Skating, the rest of the world knows that Canada is a hockey nation. And while we may have moments when we falter because we can't play our best players, when we do dress our top team, we are unbeatable and damn proud of that fact.

Hello Again, I'm Not Dead

I wasn't lying on my last blog posting when I said I might be away for a bit. A month and a half since my last posting but you haven't missed a whole lot. Okay, that's not entirely true but certainly nothing earth shattering.

As planned, I spent Christmas in Florida with my brother and his family. I dragged my parents along with me as well to make it a real family Christmas. The first one in many years where we've all been together.

The "Unconditional Surrender" statue in downtown Sarasota, Florida.

I won't bore you with all of the details. Suffice it to say everyone got lots of presents from Santa and we ate way too much good food. It was a great three weeks in the Sunshine State.

Well, it wasn't entirely without incidence. My poor mother after just recovering from a broken ankle last Autumn, missed a step coming down the stairs and fell again two days before Christmas. Despite her intense pain she didn't let us take her to the hospital until Boxing Day where she was diagnosed with a bad sprain and pulled ligaments but no break. Of course anyone who's had an injury like this knows, sometimes you're better off just to break it. So as it turns out, mom spent most of the vacation on the couch resting although I did drag her out a few times shopping where she could ride the electric scooters around Walmart and Target and near the end of the trip she could walk a little better.

Of course mom's injury meant she wasn't able to go to Tampa to see the Montreal Canadiens play the Lightning. So in her place went my sister-in-laws sister along with my dad, brother and sis-in-law of course. We had a terrific time and Montreal won which was a bonus

Red-shouldered Hawk in Myakka River State Park.

During the trip I got a bit of sun which was nice but the one thing I did a lot  of was shop. I spent over $1200 on mostly new clothes. Having lost all my weight my old wardrobe was no good to me. All of my old clothes were several sizes too large. I had a good time shopping.

Weight loss and body changes continue to happen.

So how did my weight loss go while on vacation? Well, as expected I gained some weight because to be completely honest, I ate like a pig. I fully expected to come home and find I'd gained 30 pounds. But when I stepped on the scale after getting back I had only gained about 14 pounds. And I'm happy to say that within a week I had dropped every pound and was back to my pre-vacation weight. I think the main reason I didn't gain more likely had to do with the fact that most mornings I would go for a good long walk and do a couple laps of a local lake. Probably about 3 miles each time.

I did get a couple opportunities to practice my photography hobby as well. I took my camera on my walk one day and got some shots of some of the local water birds like Blue Herons, Ibis, Egrets and others. Another day dad and I loaded mom into the truck our way to Myakka River State Park near Sarasota. Here I got some nice photos of lots of Alligators and was lucky enough to spot a couple of Red-shouldered Hawks.

Ibis in Flight.

It was a good trip but I was not pleased at all to return home. While away there was a brutal ice storm. The tree damage was minimal but there had to be anywhere from two to six inches of ice in the driveway. I was three days chipping it clear and shovelling the heavy ice onto the yard. And if that isn't bad enough, I just got it cleared in time as we've had several snow storms since then and have more snow on the ground than I can recall in recent memory.

Oh, and to make matters worse, the temperatures have been bitterly cold. One night at work I was sitting in my car when all of a sudden my back window exploded. The heat inside and the minus 30 temps outside didn't agree with the tempered glass. That was a fun night.

So as you can see, it has been a somewhat interesting period since my last posting but life is funny that way. Never a dull moment.