Transformers 2...No Brain Required

(Warning...this story may contain spoilers)

The latest summer blockbuster is called Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and it is making money hand over Autobot.

I enjoyed the first Transformers movie so much that when I heard there was going to be a second movie, I couldn't wait for it to come out. I was looking forward to more action and adventure and I won't lie...seeing Megan Fox again was a pleasant thought.

Now I realize these movies are more testosterone driven then they are by the plot. In fact, I'm not sure this latest installment even had a plot. Greed was probably the only reason this movie was made.

The action was impressive and the computer geeks who sat in front of their monitors for months on end creating the battle scenes earned their money. The CGI was amazing and if I were a guy with no brain who could simply be entertained by slow motion jiggling of Ms. Fox's breasts and seeing her in an awkward yet strategically sexy position while painting a motorcycle...this movie would have been awesome. But I'm not and it wasn't.

Sure it was entertaining and I can forgive some mistakes for the sake of entertainment. After all, you have to put reality aside when you go see a movie about robot aliens from space, but the plot was filled with holes and it struggled to make any sense at all. It was corny and confusing and I almost felt insulted while watching it. Sure it's just for fun but would it hurt to ask the writers to give a little effort. What the hell were they on strike for last year? OK...so where should I start?

If I counted correctly, there are two pieces of the Allspark cube that remain and weren't destroyed in the first movie. The military has one under lock and key, and Sam (Shia LaBeouf) discovers another when it falls out of a piece of his clothing. The Decepticons steal one and use it to bring Megatron back to life. So why is it that Sam had to find the Matrix of Leadership in Egypt when he wanted to give Optimus life once again. Couldn't he have just used the other piece?

For some reason everyone forgot about the Transformers being on Earth between the first movie and this one. They destroyed a whole city in the first flick and there were plenty of wintesses. I guess they borowed the flashy thing from Men in Black to erase their memories.

Apparently Transformers can look like people now as well. And if the robo-girl is made of metal, wouldn't she have crushed Sam when she straddled him on the bed and stuck her tounge down his throat? I guess they can defy gravity as well. Oh well, at least she was hot.

Bumblebee has some how lost his voice again even though it was fixed at the end of the last movie. He better book an appointment with the German doctor robot that needs glasses when he performs procedures. He's a robot...can't he just fix his own eyesight rather than wear glasses?

One of the most obvious goofs was when Sam, Mikaela, and Simmons (John Turturro) go to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum in Washington D.C. to locate Jetfire. After they locate him they escape out the back and walk into a field with an airplane graveyard and mountains in the distance. Apparently things have changed even more than I knew in Washington since Obama took office.

I could go on....like when Sam dies for a short time and goes to Robot Heaven. What the hell! Are they serious? Robot Heaven?! Or the captain of a Navy ship taking orders from some unknown guy on a walkie talkie and fires a secret weapon just because he told him to. How about the new twin Autobots and their racially questionable accents? Did we really need to see John Turturro in a thong or a horny robot humping Mikaela's leg?

I could go on but I won't since I'm sure you get the picture.

By all means, don't let this keep you from seeing the movie if you haven't yet. It is 2 and a half hours of explosions, bad acting, great effects and excitement and I'll probably buy it when it comes out on DVD but nobody can tell me it was better than the first movie. I just hope they do a better job on Transformers 3.